


The Broken Bond

by PipperHearts



Series: Unbonded [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, Emotional pain, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Look i just like to hurt ok, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Sad, Slow Burn, everything in between, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26206570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipperHearts/pseuds/PipperHearts
Summary: This was inspired by "The Flower Without Fragrance" by TheOneWhoStayed because I like to suffer and I needed more pain in my life.Also, this was supposed to be a small one chapter kinda thing but it developed into this...Basically Bella and Carlisle fall in love and he breaks her heart, that's it, that's the plot.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: Unbonded [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917256
Comments: 37
Kudos: 47





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Suggested song: the 1 by Taylor Swift.

Carlisle was never the man to believe in mates, he always thought that bonds where created with time and not the moment two people saw each other like it was destiny. If only he had listed to his friends. If only he had believed…

Now he was torn between a promise and a magical feeling most of his kind only wish they could find, both tugging at his heart tearing it apart. He wanted to tell himself everything would turn out fine, perhaps even with a happy ending. He now wanted to believe in the dark arts of the vampiric heart, he prayed that the heart he just ripped still—metaphorically—beating from the girl that had loved him for the last hundred years could be whole again. He would happily give her her heart back instead of tossing it to the flames of rejection so that she could too find her true mate, but he knew that those bonds were rare, in his almost 300 years he had only found a couple of vampires that had mated, and even then, most of them had done it when they were both still human, sealing their love with them the moment the venom first entered their bodies.

Bella Swan had come into her second life with the promise of a forever with the blond Doctor that had captured her heart and her mind with long discussions of books and gentle looks, she had accepted what he was no questions asked.

London,March 1837.

**3rd person POV**

Bella remembered the day she ran away from home at 17 years old, afraid of her forced marriage with the friend of her father; it was the usual way for woman back in the day, but how could she stay silent? How could she feign being content with another man? How could she promise her heart to someone else when it was no longer hers to give after the good Doctor had taken it softly?

She had first seen him when he had come into her house to treat her dying mother, and then almost everyday waiting for the inevitable to happen. She needed someone to be with her during her grief. At first he sat with her in silence, with the pretense of worrying for her health for looking after her decaying mother day and night had rendered her exhausted, but the passion sheshowed even of small topics when they had exchanged small conversations made him want to know more about the young woman with big brow eyes. He read to pass the time while her heart put itself back together trying to get over the loss of her mother or he talked about meaningless things to which she would just listened, it was until he voiced his opinions on the ending of a novel he had just finished that she talked back, because she opposed his views.

When the weeks passed and Bella started to be conscious of her surroundings again she saw her father become distant and frankly quite unstable, it pained him greatly to see the woman he had loved reflected in his daughter so he had decided to marry her off, just to get rid of the haunting image of his late wife. Bella had heard his father arrange her union with one his friends, to be done as soon as possible, right then and there she knew she had to leave. She waited after the house was in total darkness, she took a book her mother had given her before never walking up again and jumped out her window climbing down the tree that would brush the glass in tempestuous nights with its branches, and she ran, she ran as fast as she could never looking back.

Consciously, she didn’t know what to do but her feet dragged her through the streets of London under the rain till she found herself in front of a small house that she had visited once before to retrieve medicine for her mother. She was afraid, never had they done anything more than talking about trivial things, she never saw a ring on his finger but that didn’t mean his heart was available, the thought of his heart belonging to another woman scared her, what had she been thinking? What right did she had to knock on his door at this hour? She could go back, she could try and fake her happiness until she had lied to herself enough that her everyday would be bearable, but she didn’t, she softly knocked the door with nervousness in her fist.

“Isabella?” Asked the kind man, surprise and confusion in his eyes. “What are you doing here? Is everything all right?”

Bella couldn’t find her voice, instead she felt a knot in her throat and burning tears filling her eyes. She shook her head as the drops ran down her face. With worry in his voice he asked her to come inside.

He led her to the small living room, offering her to sit on one of the armchairs while he ignited more lamps, enough for her human eyes to see. She trembled for the rain had left her soaking wet but he didn’t have much to keep her warm, he himself didn’t have to worry about those things. He went to his bedroom looking through the few things he had for pretending purposes, finally finding a blanket on the thinner side and, as he obviously didn’t have any clothes appropriated for a lady, he grabbed one of his shirts because he knew she’d fall ill if she stayed in her wet clothes.

“Here,” he said offering her his belongings. “I’m sorry this is all I can offer you but if you stay wet you’ll get sick, I think you can wrap the blanket for a makeshift skirt. You can got to the next room to change while I start a fire to warm you up.”

“Thank you.” Bella murmured with a course voice taking the fabrics in her trembling hands.

She walked to the room he had indicated taking a lamp with her and closed the door behind her. Outside, the stormed was still raging full on but she felt calm now, getting out of her wet and cold clothes, undressing herself she noticed even her undergarments where damp so nervously she untied her corset and took off her chemise before donning the borrowed shirt, blushing at the contact of the foreign fabric directly over her skin. She wrapped the blanket as best as she could, covering what she was able to, leaving her feet bare.

She undid her hair, slowly taking the pins out as her body warmed back up now that she was dry, she brushed her hair with her fingers, still cold and aching due to the rain. Bella was unsure of what was she doing or what she could expect. Interrupting her thoughts she heard a knock on the door.

“Isabella? I got the fire going if you’d like to come out.” He said with a gentle tone.

She hesitated opening the door, she was indecently dress in another man’s house but this room was cold and the promise of a warming fire was inviting her out of the dark place she stood in. She slowly went back to the small and warm living room, awkwardly standing in the doorstep until she was offered the same chair as before.

**Carlisle’s POV**

Isabella walked into the room looking at the floor, her heart was beating rapidly and her breaths came uneven. I offered her the same chair as before while I went into the room she had come from—my small office—to retrieve the love seat and pushing it all the way in front of the fire.

When I returned to the living room, Isabella was still as before I’d left the room, even though I didn’t need the light of the fire to see her clearly, it illuminated her making her slightly blushed cheeks more obvious, I wondered if her reactions were due to her showing the first signs of a respiratory sickness, I didn’t know how long she had stayed under the rain, or why.

“If you’d like you can take the couch, it’s more comfortable than the armchair.” I offered.

“I don’t mind.” She answered with her eyes still on the floor.

“I insist.” She opened her mouth like she was gonna refuse again but after a few seconds she got up and sat once again in the love seat.

For once, I cursed my supernatural senses for I felt like I was rudely offending her, even with the fire going the human sight wouldn’t have been able to see her the way I did at the moment. Since the first time I’d looked at her I thought she was an attractive lady but here, in the closeness of this room, with the light of the fireplace hitting her and with nothing else to distract me, I couldn’t help but look at her frail form, nervously sitting in front of me. Her hair was down, dampening the spots it touched on my shirt, somehow making it cling to her body, though it was clearly way too big for her. I noticed she wasn’t wearing her underclothes, leaving her soft body directly below the fabric I was seeing. I looked away in shame, focusing too much on the bricks of the wall beside us.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Cullen.” she said. “I shouldn’t have intruded like this, I’ll leave as soon as the rain stops”.

“Isabella, you clothes are still wet, I don’t think you should go out the way you’re dress at the moment.” Her blush became more prominent so instinctively I put my hand on her forehead to check her temperature. Startled, she finally looked up. “I’m sorry, I’m just checking for fever in case you’re developing any affliction, and please, call me Carlisle.”

“I... thank you.” She said.

“May I ask why you came here? Outside when I asked you if everything was all right, you shook your head, what happened?” She blushed even more evading my gaze once again so I pushed. “Please, I suppose there’s a way I can help with whatever is troubling you for you came to me, I’d like to know how I can be of use.” Isabella hesitated once more, opening and closing her mouth several times like she was trying to make sense of her thoughts, finally she spoke.

“My father... He offered my hand in marriage.” That took me by surprise, not the act that she was promised to someone, most girls her age were getting married, not even the sadness and fear in her voice, she probably didn’t even know the man that was to be her husband, no, what surprised me was to have her here telling me this. “My father wants to get rid of me, that’s what he said,” she continued, the hurt the rejection of her father caused her was clear in her voice and body, she hugged herself as the tears came back down. “He said he couldn’t look at me when I resemble my mother so much, so marring me off to one of his friends was his solution but I don’t want to.”

“Isabella.” I started but the truth is I didn’t know what to say. In the short time I’d known her she had always been selfless and, quite frankly, passive, doing what everyone around her told her to, so her determination to go against her father’s plans was uncharacteristic.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what possessed me to come here bothering you with my rambling.”

“Don’t worry.” I offered truthfully, waiting to see if she would add something else, I had questions but I didn’t want to inquire further tonight for she look way exhausted and it would have been impolite to push on the issue. “You are probably tired, I’m sorry I don’t have anything better but please feel free to sleep in the couch. I’ll leave you to it. Good night, Isabella.” She nodded. “I’ll be in the last room to le left of the corridor up the stairs in case you need something.”

“Thank you, Dr. Cullen.”

I walked back to my office and laid her clothes to dry before heading to my room and locking the door behind me, waiting till the moment her breathing and pulse were stable signaling her sleep. I opened the window ready to climb out but stoped when and heard Isabella’s voice, thinking she was awake and asking me something I put attention to the sounds to discover she was talking in her dreams.

“Carlisle…” She said causing a small smile to form with my lips unconsciously. I got out through the window and ran to the nearby woods for a quick hunt.

**3rd person POV**

When morning came Carlisle was already back into his room waiting for Bella to wake up, something that didn’t take long for she was used to help in her house with the morning chores and breakfast. Hearing her move, Carlisle walked out into the living room where he saw her stretching and yawning.

“Good morning, Isabella.” She jumped out of surprised and blushed again.

“Good morning, Dr. Cullen.” was her shy response, to which Carlisle gave a small laugh.

“Please, I asked you to call me Carlisle.” He reminded her before she nodded. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, thank you. How was the rest of you night? I apologize for intruding the way I did, I hope I didn’t disrupt too much.”

“No need to worry about that. Now, regarding you problem, I understand you don’t wish to go back and marry whoever you father has chosen, is it because of the man?” She hesitated once again before shaking her head.

“It’s not only that, I don’t really know him so I can’t form an opinion on him but, my father said he wanted to get rid of me…” He looked at her with sadness sitting in front of her on the armchair she has briefly used the night before. She looked at him, her big eyes pleading. “Doc… Carlisle,” she corrected herself. “I apologize in advance for my rudeness but, would you consider letting me stay here? I could take care of the house chores like cleaning and cooking.”

Moments passed in silence and Bella was ready to accept the Doctor’s rejection, so she started to prepare for her life as someone else’s wife when he finally spoke.

“Isabella… I don’t know how to answer. I’d like to help you but, I don’t think people will react well to you living with me as an unmarried woman.”

“With all due respect, don’t you think me being here at this moment, having spent the night in your house would already have people talking? Even if I leave at night, my father probably knows by now I didn’t spend the night home.” He knew she was right so he couldn't argue with her. “I remember you saying you work in the hospital so people don’t come to you house for you medical help, I can stay inside all the time if you don’t mind, people won’t have to know I’m here.”

He stayed in silence thinking, she was right, there was no way her father would take her back thinking she had done indecent things, no man would marry her, she would be alone. Interrupting his thought, Bella took his hands in hers, not bothered by the lack of warmth.

“Please, Carlisle, I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

_What am I thinking?!_ He said to himself, but he knew his decision was already made. Sighing he nodded. Grateful tears came out of her eyes as she thanked him.

Immediately he planned what he was going to do, he had to go buy food for the first time in over a century, he had to purchase a bed and arrange somewhere for her to sleep; she would also need clothing and, most importantly, he had to conceal what he was. He could ask for the bed to be left in the living room while Bella hid in his office and he could buy clothes from the traveling merchants so he didn’t raise suspicions with the townspeople. He wasn’t really worried about her being a human, in his years as a vampire he had developed an excellent endurance to human blood but he would have to have excuses as to why he would not eat or pretend he’d eaten while out working.

Bella was still siting in front of him while he thought but was interrupted by the almost imperceptible sound that signaled her hunger, making him decide that food was priority number one, only she knew when was the last time she had eaten and she would probably insist she wasn’t hungry if he asked.

“I’ll have to go out and buy food, is there something specific you want?” He asked knowing the answer.

“No, anything is fine.” She said with a grateful smile. With that he went back into his room before heading out moments later.

**Bella’s POV**

Carlisle closed his eyes and stood unnaturally still in front of me, thinking about something. I still had his hands between mine, feeling the cold I wondered how low the temperature must be in his room and I felt guilty that he couldn’t have spent more time near the fireplace because of me or use the blanket he had lent me. At that, I realized I still was wearing his shirt and the blanket as a skirt and felt my face warming with the telltale sign of my blushing. I removed my hands from his as he opened his eyes.

“I’ll have to go out and buy food, is there something specific you want?” I was startled, yes I was hungry but I also felt guilty of having him feed me so of course I’d take whatever he offered.

“No, anything is fine.” I answered grateful.

With that, he went back into his room leaving me once more to my thoughts, a part of me was calm but a bigger part was panicking realizing all the changes my life had gone through in less than a day. He came back out donning his vest and coat and walked to the door. He hesitated before looking back at me.

“I’ll be back as quick as possible, I’d like to buy some things you’ll need now that you’re staying here but I don’t think that’ll take a lot of time. Although I live in a more secluded area and there’s no reason for people to be nearby, I think it’s better if you stay inside, feel free to use my office. I laid your garments out to dry last night so they are probably done by now.” I nodded.

“Thank you, truly, I’m incredibly grateful.” A small smile painted his face before heading out closing the door behind him.

I went back into his study and found my clothes almost completely dry but I thought It was better than what I had on. I untied the blanket and slipped off of his shirt before dressing my self in my own. I detangled my hair as best as I could before putting if up once again. I folded the blanket and the shirt and told myself I’d wash them later. I went back to the living room and, true to my word, I started with the chores I could manage at the time. I’d have to ask him where several things were before being able to fulfill all the tasks.

No more than an hour later Carlisle came back with food in one hand and a package in the other. I walked up to him and took the provisions from him and took them to the small kitchen which was surprisingly empty, I didn’t even see a pan or plates.

“Isabella?” He called walking into the kitchen making me turn to him and I saw he had some pieces of cutlery in his hands, probably whatever was in the package. “I’m sorry, I don’t tend to use the kitchen, I bought what I thought would be necessary.”

“Don’t worry, I think this will do perfectly.” I said with a smile as I took the things from him. Just then we heard a knock on the door, he walked out of the kitchen but stop to look back at me. “Is it all right if I stay here?” I asked in a whisper and he nodded as a response. I moved to a corner not wanting to make a noise and waited. I heard Carlisle talking with another man, followed by noises in the living room before the silence came back and Carlisle walked back into the kitchen.

“They left, you can relax now.” He said. “I had some people bring some things you’ll need, the house is small but you’ll still be able to have you own space, I just need to clean the spare room and move the bed there, I’ll do that while you cook,” I was about to offer my help but he continued. “Don’t worry, I can manage besides, I already ate something.”

“Please, let me help you, you’ve already done for me more than I could ever repay, at least let me clean the room.”

“Isabella, it’s really no trouble.”

“Please.” I asked again causing him to let out a small laugh.

“All right, eat something and then we’ll get your room ready, in the meantime I’ll go get other things you might need.” With that he left again.

Once more he was back within the hour right after I finished doing the dishes so drying my hands with a clean rag I’d found, I went back to the living room, where I found him with a bundle of fabric tied together with a string.

“Welcome home” I greeted him. “May I help you with that?” I asked signaling to the things in his arms.

“Don’t worry, I got it. Are you finished eating?” I nodded. “Well then, we should get started with your room.” He left the packages on the loveseat and after telling me where the cleaning supplies where he directed me to the room opposite to his.

I started sweeping the floor while he left his coat and vest on his own room before helping me set up my bed that was still in the living room. It tuned out one of the packages was set of bedsheets and a blanket for me so he retrieved them from the couch when the cleaning was done.

“I also got you a couple of pieces clothing, I supposed you couldn’t go back to your house for you belongings so you’ll need some things.” I blushed again and looked down at the floor, feeling my eyes filling with tears once more. “Isabella, what’s wrong?” He asked walking to me.

“Nothing.” I whispered furiously drying my tears with my hands.

“Then why are you crying?”

“It’s just… I feel so guilty that you to have to spend money on me.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he told me lifting my face to him. “I accepted to help you and if you worry about money, don’t fret, that’s not an issue.

“Now, while you dry your tears I’ll go get the rest of the things I bought, I’m afraid some of the pieces might ill-fit you but it’s not like we can ask the seamstress to take your measurements.”

“It’ll be fine, I’ll probably be able to fix them.” I said with a small smile. “Thank you, I’m eternally grateful.”

The rest of the day went by with me doing odd chores to which he would say I didn’t need to do them. Although his house has small, he clearly lived comfortably for each of our rooms had their own bathroom. At some point I decided to clean myself before making dinner so I went back to my room and prepared my self a bath, taking my time trying to make sense of my new life. When the water was cold I dried myself before trying on some of the things Carlisle had bought and brushing my hair with the new brush he had given me, pining it back up before going downstairs.

“I hope you don’t mind but I ate while you where upstairs.” He said when he saw me.

“Of course not.” I replied before going to the kitchen where I ate in silence.

After I finished I did the dishes and prepared myself to go upstairs for the night.

“Isabella.” Carlisle called from the living room where he sat on one of the arm chairs reading.

“Yes? Do you need something?”

“No,” he said with a smile. “But I did want to talk to you, please sit.” He signaled to the other chair and I felt nervous all over again.

“As I told you earlier, I accepted to help you and I don’t want you to feel like you need to repay me,” I was ready to protest but he continued. “I don’t want you to feel like you need to do all the house chores for I’d like you to enjoy being here and not to stay due to a feeling of obligation, that said I’d only like to add that I’d be more interested in cultivating a friendship with you, I’ve been alone most of my existence and I remember the briefs conversations we’ve had with fondness because I was able to discuss other thing outside of the medical field with you, so if you don’t have any objection, that’s what I would like from your company.”

“I… I’d like that too.” I said stunned, causing him to laugh once more.

“Very well, you are probably tired but feel free to help yourself to any book in my office anytime.” I nodded and got up.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to borrow a book right now. Do you mind if I keep you company here?”

“You are more than welcome.”

I selected a romance before sitting once more in the arm chair but my mind wasn’t able to concentrate in the words in front of me, instead, my thoughts wandered to the kind man sitting close to me. I had noticed how sincere he had been before, when all he asked from me was my friendship and at that moment I payed more attention to him. I’d always noticed how handsome he was but right there we seemed uncanny. As he passed the pages I realized how intimate the scene was, never before had I seen a man just in his shirt and pants. The same kind of shirt he had lent me the night before and that looked ridiculous on me now loosely clung to his frame open at the top making part of his chest visible. I felt my face get hot again and felt ashamed of the thoughts that had crossed my mind.


	2. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested song: Don’t Delete The Kisses by Wolf Alice.

**November, 1837.**

**3rd Person POV**

Just as she promised she stayed home all the time, she didn’t asked for much and she seemed content having only Carlisle for conversations given that she was never an outgoing girl to begin with. Nevertheless, as the months passed Carlisle thought it would be better for her to have a change of scenery. He knew it was problematic for them to stay in London in case her father was still looking for Bella, plus he hated the idea of her hiding like a criminal so he decided to move. One night while both of them read in their armchairs he brought the topic to light.

“Isabella, I’ve been thinking about moving. I don’t like the idea of you being confined to the house all the time and I think It would be better if we establish ourselves somewhere else.”

“I’m happy with whatever you decide, I told you I don’t mind keeping myself to the house and I’d hate for us to move just because of me.”

With that Carlisle made the arrangements to move to a house outside of Oxford, not quite in the countryside but still far enough from the center of the city to have privacy and access to hunting grounds.

**March, 1938.**

**Carlisle’s POV**

I planed the house to be fully furnished before we arrived, so before leaving London I only had to pack my books, my paintings and my father’s cross and load them on the carriage I had rented for our journey to Oxford. Isabella was waiting in her room for the sun to go down before coming down the stairs, we wanted to take as many precautions as possible so that no one saw her. When I was sure we where safe I helped her into the coach where she would hide with our belongings at least until a couple of hours after leaving London.

At some point of the night Isabella fell asleep, not waking until the next day with only some hours left before arriving to our new house. When I heard her move and yawn I stoped the horses before stepping off of the drivers seat. I walked to the door of the carriage and knocked telling her it was safe to come out, she was more than happy to stretch as she felt the wind agains her skin. She sat at my side on the driver’s seat for the rest of the ride, simply enjoying the landscape we were surrounded by.

We arrived past midday, grateful there where no noisy looks near the house. Isabella wasn’t used to small talk with strangers and as much as I didn’t mind humans, I’d rather spend the time on my own. The rest of the day passed with me unloading the carriage while Isabella helped organizing our belongings inside the house. By the time nighttime fell upon us she was tired, half asleep on the new loveseat, the book she was reading, forgotten long ago. She didn’t answer when I called her name so I carried her to her room, wrapping her in a blanket, trying to avoid my coldness to reach her. Halfway up the stairs she moved in my arms, thinking she’d woken up I was ready to put her back down but her even breathing let me know she was still sound asleep. When I reached her room I open the door and walk in with as little noise as possible when she moved again, unconsciously nuzzling her head against my chest and I froze the moment she said my name in her dreams, her voice felt like a soft caress as I stood with her in my arms more time than necessary before finally leaving her on her bed and exiting her room in a rush.

**Bella’s POV**

I woke up with the first rays of sunshine, not remembering when did I fell asleep the night before, only remembering my eyes feeling heavy while trying to read before a comforting coolness embraced me, it smelled sweet, like vanilla and spice and made me feel like I was floating. Getting out of bed I saw I had the blanket I always kept on the loveseat downstairs covering me while still wearing yesterday’s dress, making me realize I had fallen asleep in the living room. An image of Carlisle carrying me to my bed came to my mind and I blushed again, trying to put all that to rest while I took a shower and changed my clothes before going back down.

“Good morning, Isabella.” Carlisle’s voice called from his study. It surprised me how early he would wake up everyday, earlier than me, without ever seeming to be tired. I peeked through the open door to see him sitting with papers in front of him on his desk.

“Good morning.” I answered. “How was your night? Are you hungry? Or did you already eat?”

“I had a pleasant night, thank you for asking. And don’t worry about me, I already ate. I arranged to have food ready for our arrival but we might still need to go buy provisions for the week.”

“We?” I asked surprised.

“Of course, I told you that I didn’t want you to hide in the house anymore, so unless you’d prefer to stay, we can go together to the market, I also need to return the horses. Now, go eat breakfast but please come back when you’re finished, there are other things we need to discuss.” I nodded and went straight to the kitchen, fixing myself a breakfast with whatever we had before quickly eating and cleaning the little mess I made.

I walked back to Carlisle’s office and awkwardly knocked on the open door, he looked up from his papers and gave a reassuring smile indicating me to come in.

“Please sit.” He said signaling to the armchair in front of him. “I’m almost done with this.” He explained so that I waited for him to finish what he was doing.

“May I asked what you wanted to discuss?” I wondered while he was putting away whatever had been keeping him busy.

“Certainly. There are two thing I’d like to touch on, actually.” He said calmly looking at me. “First of all, unlike in London where I was employed by the hospital, I’d like to work from home, which means I’d need someone to assist me when needed.” I nodded, at first thinking he was asking if I was willing to clean blood off the floor but he continued talking. “By this I meant to ask you if you’d consider to be trained as a nurse.” I was surprised, even if my father had some money, I’ve never had any kind of education outside of learning how to read.

“Carlisle, I... I don’t know, wouldn’t it be more practical to hire someone?”

“If you’re not interested in fulfilling that job then I’ll look into hiring someone, I just thought I’d ask.”

“It’s not that I’m not interested but even though I can read, I can’t do more than that and wouldn’t it be lost time if you waited for me to get the instructions needed for becoming a nurse?”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem, from the conversations we’ve had in the last months I can tell you’re quite a brilliant woman, I don’t think you’ll have any trouble learning, and although you’ll need to study from books, I can train you while in the field, there’s no better way to learn than by doing. You don’t have to give me an answer right now, but let me know when you’ve thought about it.

“Now, onto the second topic. Back in London we didn’t have to think about this because you stayed hidden, but here we’ll need a story that doesn’t compromise your honor as to why you’re living with me as an unmarried woman. The easiest way was to call you my sister but we don’t really share any physical characteristics so maybe it’ll work better if we present ourselves as cousins.”

He was right, I never thought on how I would explain my situation because I never thought I would need to, but now I realized it was necessary to think in advance, therefore I added, “We could say my dying father asked you to take care of me.”

“Well then, I think that’s settled. Just think about the nurse topic and let me know.”

“I will.” I assured him.

“Now, do you feel like going to the market or do you prefer to remain home?”

“I’ll go with you.” I said with a smile, it had been months since I was free to move around town so I accepted the moment he asked.

**3rd person POV**

“I’ll go with you.” Bella answered with enthusiasm, basically jumping out of the chair ready to leave. Carlisle obviously noticed her quite uncharacteristic eagerness, causing him to return her smile with his own.

“Very well then, just let me retrieve my coat from my room and I’ll be back.” He said standing up, a movement that was mimicked by Bella who also needed to get her outer garment and hat. Just like that, they formed a new weekly ritual, Bella would wake up to Carlisle already in his office, she would eat breakfast and then they would go together to the market.

The first months in Oxford were peaceful as Carlisle had decided to take some leisure time before going back to work, so he was spending more time than usual in the house. Keeping Bella busy with conversations on different topics, conversations that were only interrupted when Isabella needed to eat or when she insisted she needed to attend the chores of the house, though Carlisle had expressed over and over that there was no need for her to do so because he could just hire someone else to take care of that; Bella would refuse every time and in the end it was useful given that those were perfect moments for him to pretend to eat.

Two weeks had passed from the day they’d arrived when, after breakfast, Bella accepted Carlisle’s proposal for becoming a nurse, he smiled before going through the basics of the tasks she would be most likely performing and gave her a couple of the more basic books in medicine he had. Because he still had a couple of weeks before the time he planned on going back to work the days would be pass by with Bella taking care of her self imposed household duties before spending the afternoon with Carlisle lecturing her about what she needed to know for her new job; after that, she would prepare some sort of lunch before going solo deep into the books Carlisle would give her, getting so lost in the new information that she was non the wiser to the fact that he would never eat or disappear for a little over an hour.

At the same time, he would spend some moments teaching her to write, for it would be a necessary skill for her to have and while at first she would asked in the moment any doubts she had or try to remember them for the next time he was available, at one point when she started feeling confident enough in her writing that she started taking notes, improving her studies.

After Carlisle started practicing again in late June, the first weeks were fairly undemanding for Bella, most of the times people would only come for easy to treat illnesses like a fever or a sore throat; it was until a month and a half later when she accompanied him to a house call in the countryside for a little girl that had fallen from a tree.

The poor thing couldn’t have been older than 6, and had a tree branch sticking from her abdomen as well as an open wound in her forehead, probably done by a rock as she hit the ground. At the moment, her brain prevented her from feeling anything, forcing her to focus in the task at hand, doing everything Carlisle told her to. She saw him try, cleaning and removing every single trace of wood from the little girl’s body before suturing her and moving to the wound on her head, but it was useless. Even thought the wound had been sewn close, the blood kept coming and Bella kept putting pressure on the wound as he had indicated but the blood just kept coming, soaking rag after rag that she had until her hands were in a warm sticky mess.

At some point Bella felt a pair of cool hands grabbing her own, removing them from the little girl, Mary, at least that’s what she thought was her name due to the cries of her mother in the other room. She heard someone calling her own name in the distance.

**Carlisle’s POV**

I heard myself sighing, there was too much blood lost and the cut in her head seemed to be way too severe, I did all I could but in the end I just listened as Mary’s breathing became more difficult and her heartbeat became softer and softer until it gave up, I stoped, turning back to Isabella who still had her hands trying to stop the bleeding, all covered in the red liquid.

“Isabella?” I called but she didn’t answer. “Isabella.” I tried again but her gaze was still focused on the small body in front of her.

I walked slowly to her side, taking her hands in mine, helping her get them rid of the blood, at some point she started moving them under the water on her own and dried them when the liquid going down the drain was transparent once more. I moved back to the body, cleaning what I could before delivering the bad news to the poor parents that waited behind the closed doors. As the couple walked to mourn the loss of their daughter I walked out with Isabella close behind me.

She was silent, her gazed to the ground, confused, still not processing what had happened; it was only natural, we had talked about illnesses, treatments, accidents, she’d read about them in the books I gave her, but seeing them in real life was different. A lot of the new nurses and doctors, even with more experience than what little she had by now, reacted worse, freezing or passing out at the sight of a single drop of blood. Yet, she managed to stayed focus, following each and every instruction I gave.

When we were out of the property I stoped, her following suit, and turned back at her, waiting for her tears to come, but they didn’t, she just looked back at me, expectantly, as if wondering why we had stopped. The English weather made itself known and a storm broke, forcing us to resume our walk back home.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go clean myself.” She said when we enter the house. It was for the best for given that her apron and dress were now stained with drying blood, so I just nodded. “You can leave your clothes outside you room, I’ll clean them latter.” She added.

“Don’t worry about that, i can deal with them.” She shook her head.

“It’s not a problem.” She said looking at me with a smile before going up the stairs to her room.

I heard the door to her room close and the water running in her bathroom, her response was uncharacteristic for anyone I’ve ever seen. The moment I’d stopped to look at her was like nothing had happened, and the same happened when she came back out of her room, asking for my shirt to clean it as well as her own garments, keeping herself busy the rest of the day with little tasks.

“Isabella.” I asked going outside where she was hanging the now clean clothes to dry. “Would you like to talk about something?” I asked.

“Not particularly.” Was her response, confusion in her face like she didn’t know what I was talking, so I just put it to rest. She went back to her room after finishing with whatever she could find to do. She didn’t came back down for dinner.

At some point, when I thought she had fallen asleep I settled in my study, occupying my self with a novel. After some time I heard footsteps near my door that stopped suddenly, she lingered outside but she didn’t knocked.

“Isabella?” I called. She hesitated but finally the doorknob turned before she opened the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t knew you were still here, I couldn’t seem to catch any sleep so I thought it was better to borrow a book instead of looking at the ceiling.”

“Of course, please come in.” She faltered once more in the doorway before stepping in.

I saw her face blushing and I understood what made her waver, she was donning nothing more than her night gown with her brown hair cascading down the sides of her face. The delicate white fabric softly caressing her skin, carelessly denoting her shape. Seconds passed before I realized what I was doing, uselessly hoping for her not to have noticed, I forced my eyes to go back to her own.

“Is there something that interest you?” I asked trying to go back to what had made her come here.

“Not really, I just wanted something to pass the time.” She answered walking to the bookcase. Ready to go back to my own reading I remembered the sight of her in front of the little girl’s body, her big eyes showing the confusion inside of her, and when I looked back at her while she was browsing my collection I saw the same disconnect.

“Isabella.” I called to her attention as I walked to her. “Is there something troubling you?” I tried again, but she just shook her head forcing me to press on the issue. “What happened earlier... It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” She said automatically refusing to look at me and standing still not focusing her eyes on anything. I gently took her chin with my hand forcing her gaze to me.

“Isabella, I can see you are not fine. Could you please talk to me? I’d like to help you, this was the first time you were faced with an accident like this and I know that loosing a patient is hard, specially when it comes to children...”

“I know!” She repeated with a note of irritation in her voice. “I know it wasn’t my fault, I know it wasn’t your fault either, sometimes things happen, sometimes people just die!” She desperately continued looking at me. “But... I felt so helpless, so useless...”

“Isabella, if you think you can’t go on in this field, I understand. I just need to make sure you’ll be alright.”

“No! That’s not it! I’m not saying I want to stop being a nurse.” Her eyes started filling with tears. “It’s just that all the time I was waiting for you to tell me what to do and I thought that maybe... maybe if I already knew how to proceed instead of having you wasting time giving me instructions, well maybe then she could’ve made it, maybe she would still be alive, you would’ve said she would get better and her parents wouldn’t be mourning their little girl right now!” Her fists garbed my shirt and she pressed her forehead to my chest, her hot tears burning her eyes and flowing down to the fabric covering me, her breathing became erratic, her shoulders shaking and her voice lost.

I wrapped my arms around her trembling frame, letting her sob all the pain out of her body. At some point I felt her knees go weak so I took her in my arms and moved us to the living room, sitting on the loveseat near the fireplace, she kept weeping until she had no more tears left to cry, still clinging to my shirt. Moments passed and she started drifting to sleep so I took her back to her room to lay her down on her bed, but the moment I tried to pry her hand open to release my shirt, her breaths became agitated once more, afraid of her walking up crying I gently sat in her bed cradling Isabella in my arms and I was left alone with my thoughts.

I knew I should’ve left the moment she calmed down and entered deep sleep, but I didn’t want to move, I wanted to have her warm body in my arms, afraid that if I let go of her she would suffer at the hands of the dark sandman’s realm, I could’ve said I just wanted to keep her safe but in all honesty, the selfish part of me just wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to hear the precious beating of her heart signaling her human nature, I wanted to feel her next to me, the coziness of her breath, her softness. Unconsciously I’ve known for weeks the truth, trying to ignore my feelings for how could I let myself feel love for the girl in my arms, what could a soulless monster offer her in return for her affections, but here, in the comfortable and intimate darkness of her room, with her non the wiser to my thoughts, I couldn’t think about anything else but how hard I had fallen for Isabella Marie Swan.

**Bella’s POV**

I heard the singing of the birds outside, signaling the start of the new day. This time I did remember going downstairs to borrow a book and talking to Carlisle before I started crying, I supposed he had carried me back to my bed once more. But as I moved in my bed, I became aware of something cold and hard surrounding me, I opened my eyes to see the sleeping form of Carlisle next to me, with his arms embracing my body.

Suddenly I remember him looking at me last night when I stood outside his office, with only my nightdress; I hadn’t thought about covering my self because I didn’t think he would still be in his study but even when I saw the light coming through the small space between the floor and the door, I kept going, entering when he called my name. If it had been someone else I would’ve been scared but with him, when his gaze raked my body I felt shameless as my pulse quicken. I could’ve lied to myself and say my blush was due to nervousness but it was obviously caused by the idea that a man such as Carlisle in all his beauty and goodness, wanted me.

And at this moment, with his beautiful face so closed to mine and his strong arms around me, I couldn’t deny I wanted him too.

I looked at him closely, admiring the physical perfection that accurately represented the great man he was. I remember one time in London when my parents had taken me to a museum to look at the new sculptures that had been acquired from the old Greeks. The pieces represented the ancient idea of what gods looked like, creating an ideal of beauty that was still present in our times; and yet, no creation had been able to portray the sublime face of the man that had me in his embrace. Even though his eyes were closed I could perfectly remember the gold of his eyes, framed by beautifully long eyelashes that I could now see clearly thanks you our closeness. His hair was honey in solid form, perfectly kept in place. His nose was balanced for the rest of his face and his lips, oh those gorgeously full lips of his, pale like the rest of him but still so appetizing, I could only imagine their silky texture and the feeling of them against mine.

My eyes kept going down, looking at his shoulders and the exposed skin of his chest thanks to him using his shirt unbuttoned at the top. Although his arms were covered by the sleeves of his shirt, I could still see how strong he was, feeling his muscles below the fabric as my fingertips delicately caressed the length of his forearm. I stopped the moment I felt him moving below my touch, wishing I could prolong this moment forever.

He opened his eyes and looked down at me, the reality of the situation dawning in me, our closeness made me blush and I turned my gaze away from him.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I must have fallen asleep...”

“Don’t worry.” I interrupted him offering him a reassuring smile.

“Well then, I should probably go so you can get ready to start the day.” I just nodded, wishing I could ask him not to leave as his arms let go of me and I saw him walk to the door. He hesitated before looking back at me. “Good morning, Isabella.”

“Good morning, Carlisle.” My smile still on my face.

**Carlisle’s POV**

I felt the moment her breathing changed just as the birds started their day outside of our home. I knew I should’ve left her side long ago but I couldn’t bring my self to do so, therefore when shestarted moving as a sign of her awakening I just closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep, just to hold her a little longer. I felt her head move upwards and I wondered what was she seeing as I felt her warm breath on my skin. After some moments passed, when I thought she had fallen back asleep, I felt her moving again, settling in my embrace before the shy touch of her fingertips graced my arm, causing me to move out of surprise before opening my eyes to her blushing face.

“I’m sorry. I must’ve fallen asleep.” I faked.

“Don’t worry.” She assured me with a smile.

“Well then, I should probably go so you can get ready to start the day.” I said dragging the moment my arms had to let her go. I walk to the door before looking back at her. “Good morning, Isabella.”

“Good morning, Carlisle.” She answered with the smile still on her face.

I went to my room sitting on the armchair I liked to keep near the window. _What am I thinking?!_ I asked to myself with exasperation. _What went through my mind that made me think staying with her was a good idea?_ But I knew the answer to both questions, I was thinking of her, obviously, the feeling of her warm body next to mine, only separated by two delicate pieces of fabric, her pressed against me, the sweet aroma of her blood—the most delightful thing I’ve ever encountered—that tempted me not to feed from her and finish her life, no, something much more selfish, I wanted her forever, to make her a soulless creature like me. But how? How could I take away her humanity to damn her to an evil existence for the rest of time?

But when she had woken up, when her big brown eyes looked into mine in the second before the blood ran to blush her face, she hadn’t pulled away. When she looked into the eyes of a monster she didn’t looked afraid, not even surprised. Maybe that’s what I had wanted, perhaps if she had rejected my touch it would’ve been easier to forget my desires, but she didn’t repudiate me, she even had touched me herself while she thought I had no idea.

 _Oh, Isabella_ , I lamented to myself, _what will I do with you? How can I force myself to stay away when your presence calls to my heart?_ While deep into my thoughts, I heard her door open and her footsteps leading her down into the kitchen. I tried collecting myself for I couldn’t stay locked up in my room for all eternity.

I change my shirt and got dressed before going downstairs myself. To see Isabella making something for breakfast. When she heard me entering the kitchen she turned to look at me, I was still worried about yesterday’s affair effect on her when I saw her shy smile.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” She said. “I would like to continue my training if you’d still choose to be my mentor.” She seemed better, maybe last nights outburst had helped her process what had transpired, and I was happy to see her determination on continuing her studies.

“Of course.” I answered with my contentment clear in my voice. Her smile widen and her eyes lit up before she went back to cooking.

“You know, I don’t know how you manage to go to bed so late and wake up so early—well aside from today—, you never look tired, it’s like you don’t even need to sleep!” I froze at her words, realizing that my pretending was not as good as I had thought, wondering what other things she had noticed by now. Luckily, the doorbell rang, and after Isabella attended to it, I heard the voice of a young lady asking for me.

“Carlisle,” Isabella called walking back to the kitchen were I remain unmoved. “A lady is looking for you medical assistance, her brother is sick and her mother is asking you to go see him.” I nodded after taking the information in.

“I’ll just grab my things and go immediately.” I said.

“Do you need me to go?”

“Maybe you should take some days before resuming your work. Though I don’t think I’ll take too long, please don’t wait for me, I’ll buy something to eat on my way back.”

After introducing myself to the girl waiting, I followed her to where her brother was laying. The young man, who looked to be around Isabellas age, had respiratory issues, luckily nothing too serious, he would just need some medicine and a couple of days rest. After explaining to him and his mother the problem and the correct use of the remedy, I told them I’d send someone to deliver it when I had it ready.

Back home I found Isabella reading in my study, abstracted in the printed words before her. “I’m home.” I called trying not to scare her as I hanged my coat on the rack near the door.

“Welcome back.” She answered.

“I know I told you this morning that I would like for you to take some time before resuming your instruction but I need to prepare a medicine and I think it’ll be useful if you help me now for future reference.”

“Of course.” She said enthusiastically as she rose from her seat.

I told her the ingredients we would need as well as the measurements—a list which she wrote down in her notes—and as I explained the steps, she mixed the concoction before bottling it.

“Isabella, would you mind delivering the medicine for me? I have other business to attend to.”

“Of course, I’ll just put on my jacket and I’ll be right back.” She did as she said, returning to me to ask for the directions to the house before bidding farewell and exiting the house.

**3rd person POV**

In the morning, when Carlisle had entered his room, he looked at his reflection and saw his eyes were starting to get to dark, meaning a hunting trip was necessary, but wanting Isabella as far from the woods as possible, he sent her to deliver the medicine, which would give him about an hour to feed, if he was quick and not picky with the animals he’d hunt, it would be more than enough time.

When he was sure no one was near, he sprinted through the trees into the deeper parts of the forest where he could search for his food without the fear of being noticed, running and smelling until the wind brought him the odor of a herd of some kind of herbivores, following his instinct he attacked the first two deers he saw, easily satiating his thirst before returning home.

**Carlisle’s POV**

Days passed since the morning I attended the call for the sick young man and Isabella and I were once more sitting in the living room discussing the contents of the book she was revising on chronic illnesses and their treatments when we heard the doorbell ring. She stood up and went to answer the door. Usually I’d let Isabella handle the persons that came unless she told me I wasneeded, but this time I heard a familiar voice greeting her and heard the quickening of a heartbeat, so I went to see what it was about.

I saw a male figure at the door and recognized the young man I had treated, worried that his condition had worsen due to the rapid pulse of his heart and unstable breathing I walked to the door.

“Mr. Johnson, are you in need of more medicine?” I asked.

“Dr. Cullen, good morning.” He looked at me briefly before returning his gaze at Isabella and in that moment I knew the reason behind his symptoms. “No, none of that, I’m much better thanks to you. My mother sent me to run some errands and I thought I’d come to thank you given that I was near you house. ”

“Well then, no problem, we were just doing our job. Now, If you’ll excuse us, we have other matters to tend to. Have a good day.” I said uncharacteristically gruffly wanting to close the door as soon as possible as the boy kept his eyes on Isabella.

“Sorry for interrupting then. Have a good day, Dr. Cullen, Ms. Swan.” He bowed his head before turning around as I closed the door. I was left with a mouth full of venom and anger boiling in me.

I knew it was irrational, I knew I couldn’t keep Isabella by my side for the rest of her life, I knew that some day there would be a man that would take her from me, and I would need to be prepared for that but I couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through me when I thought about the way the boy was looking at her and the selfish part of me said it was because, as much as I tried to deny it, I knew I was better than any other man.


	3. When He Loved Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested songs:  
> -Día de Enero by Shakira  
> -Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer  
> -Emmylou by First Aid Kit  
> -Say Yes to Heaven by Lana del Rey  
> -As Long As You’re Mine from the Wicked Soundtrack

**February, 1839**

**Carlisle’s POV**

It was Sunday, meaning Isabella and I would go on our weekly trip to the market so after she ate, we got ready to depart. She took my arm as usual and walked the familiar path to the main square. As Isabella still disliked asking for things, I picked up the habit of buying her things she might need or want, this time I saw a beautiful lilac dress embroidered with little flowers so I excused myself for a moment as she bought produce.

As secretly as I could, I walked to the little shop that housed the dress I was interested in to buy it, hoping it would fit her properly, I asked for it to be wrapped in a more inconspicuous fabric before it was tied with a simple white ribbon. Quickly returning to her side she turned to me and eyed the new package in my hand.

“What’s that?” She asked denoting no suspicion in her voice.

“Oh, just some things we might need.” She hummed and went back to what she was doing. I paid for the food and took the items in my arms as she protested she could carry things by herself, causing a small laugh to come out of me.

We kept walking now ready to return home when I remembered I needed some supplies for common remedies. “Isabella, do you mind waiting a moment as I buy some ingredients we might need for work?”

“Not at all.” We walked to a nearby park for her to wait with our purchases as I bought what was needed.

**Bella’s POV**

I sat in a bench as I waited for Carlisle to come back, enjoying the cool wind in my face and the calm that was offered by the almost empty park. I had my eyes closed as I inhaled the aroma of the flowers that surrounded me when I heard a familiar voice.

“Ms. Swan.” Called the male voice forcing me to open my eyes to see Mr. Johnson approaching me with a grin on his face.

“Mr. Johnson.” I responded out of politeness though his presence made me uncomfortable.

“Such a nice day isn’t it? Albeit quite cloudy.”

“Yes it is.” I answered not returning his continued smile, avoiding being welcoming.

“Are you carrying all of this back to you house?” He asked pointing to the packages near me. “I can help you if you’d like.”

“No, thank you. I’m just waiting for Dr. Cullen to return, he went shopping for some things he needed for his labor but he’ll be here shortly. In fact, I think I can see him walking here.” I said as I saw a blond head I could’ve recognized anywhere.

“Well then, I guess you don’t need my help. Though, maybe latter if you need someone to be your companion, I’d be more than happy to…”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” Carlisle’s voiced interrupted. “Ms. Swan is busy most of the time and I’m completely capable of accompanying her wherever she needs or wishes to go.”

I stood up and went to Carlisle’s side as he grabbed our purchases. “Good day, Mr. Johnson.” He added as I took his arm before leaving the park.

I could feel he was tense as he used unnecessary force holding our things, walking a bit faster than our leisured pace. I didn’t need to turned back to know Mr. Johnson was looking at us as we left; feeling his intense gaze on the back of my neck I shuddered.

“Isabella, are you all right?” Carlisle asked concerned for my sudden spasm. I nodded. “Are you cold?”

“No, it’s not that, I just… I don’t like him, I feel distrust when I see him.” I explained while unconsciously I tighten my grip on his arm. In response he drove me closer to him without stopping.

Once we were back home I went to leave the food in the kitchen as Carlisle put away whatever he had bought, as I was walking to the stairs he called for me from his office.

“I just wanted to make sure you were fine.” He said

“I am. Don’t worry about it.”

“Isabella, I don’t want to tell you what you can or can’t do but I think it’ll be best for you to not go out alone, whenever you need to go buy something or if you just want to spend some time outside, please let me know so that I can go with you.” I nodded looking at the floor. I hated to bother him but the memory of that man disturbed me, notting my discomfort to the situation, he wrapped his arms around me in a confronting manner.

“Well now,” he continued seemingly wanting to change topics. “I know you always object when I buy things for you but I liked it so I hope you do too.” I squinted at him as he retrieved the bundle of fabric I had inquired about while still in the main square.

“What did you buy now?” I asked as he handed it to me.

“Open it and see for yourself.”

I hesitated but finally did as he told me to find a beautiful lilac dress with little white flowers all over it, from the feel of the fabric and the look of all the embellishments, this dress must’ve been quite expensive.

“Carlisle, it’s beautiful.” I said with my eyes still on the garments that I gently cradled in my hands.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“But it’s too much, I can’t accept it. Besides, it's not like I have somewhere to wear this to.”

“Isabella, I’ve told you not to worry about money. And since you say you don’t have a reason to wear this, then maybe I’ll give an excuse so keep it, I insist.” I knew I could keep refusing but this wasn’t the first time he had done something like this and I knew better by know.

* * *

Several weeks passed by without any incident, though the first two Sundays after our encounter with Mr. Johnson had left me dreading our weekly trips to the market. I also reduced my strolls to the bare minimum, always asking Carlisle to accompany me.

Finally, on a Saturday of the fourth month after the incident, true to his word, Carlisle asked if I’d like to go for a walk in the new garden that had open days before, telling me it would be a perfect opportunity to use the dress he had bought me. I complied, just wanting to spend the day with him outside of our usual tasks.

He knocked on my door. “Are you ready?” He asked and I opened the door as an answer. He looked at me and I felt his gaze like a caress over my body. “You look positively beautiful.” He finally said with a smile on his lips. “Shall we?” He asked offering me his arm, which I happily took.

All the way to the garden we talked about different topics, stopping when we had entered for he seemed to be guiding me to a specific place. Before I could asked I saw he was leading me to a small table with two chairs where he had apparently arrange for a tea party for the both of us. When we arrived, he pulled the chair for me to sit and pushed it back. Graciously, he sat in front of me before serving us tea.

“Do you like it?” I was speechless, it was beautiful but he had never done anything like this.

“I… Of course, it’s gorgeous but, why? Is there a special occasion?” I asked.

“I did told you I’d give you an excuse for you to wear that dress. But, in a way I guess there is something close to an anniversary.” I looked at him confused wanting him to clarify. “Well, even though March was a couple of months ago I wanted to celebrate the second anniversary of the night you came to my house. I can’t begin to explain all the positive changes you’ve done to my life so I felt like celebrating.” He laughed as he kept looking at me. “You look lovely when you blush and it really suits you with the color of the dress.”

I had no words, the more time spent with him, the more I was convinced he was the perfect man, now, before me, as he smiled warmly at me, I felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and my face burning so bright I could probably ignite a candle.

“Carlisle, I should be the one thanking you, you didn’t have any reason to help me, not even to let me into you house when I knocked to you door soaking wet in the middle of the night and now, thanks to you, here I am, happier than I could’ve been if I had silently accepted my father’s decision. I’ll forever by grateful.” I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes, blurring the perfect image before my very eyes.

“Believe me, Isabella, you repay everything as you willingly spend time with me.” He said as he dried the tears that were already running down my face.

As we finished the tea and desserts we had, he proposed for us to go on a small walk through the garden to which I obviously accepted. As we strolled I realized how many people knew Carlisle, some of them I remembered as I had helped him as his nurse but there were others I’ve never seen as he ran a lot of errands on his own. I also begrudgingly noticed how most women reacted to him, feeling a pain in my chest as the most beautiful ladies smiled invitingly at him.

“Isabella.” He called pulling me out of my miserable thoughts. “Do you mind waiting here for a moment? There’s something I need to do, it’ll be just a second.”

“Of course.” I answered, with that he left.

As I looked around me I realized we had walked to a place where couples and groups of people where siting on colorful blankets on the grass enjoying the live music that came from a gazebo in the center, I was listening to the music as I waited for Carlisle to come back when a voiced caused a flashback to hit me.

Mr. Johnson walked once more to me and the feeling of uneasiness flooded me as a companion to his unrequited smile.

“Ms. Swan, it’s so nice to finally see you.” He said grabbing my hand with his and moving it close to his face to kiss it but I pulled it back before he could manage. He looked surprised, like he wasn’t expecting my rejection so directly but he continued pretending nothing had happened. “After what Dr. Cullen said, it’s a surprise to see you came here alone.”

“I didn’t, Carlisle came with me, he just had something to do but he’ll be back soon.” I answered, hoping it would be enough for him to leave me alone but clearly it wasn’t as when I started to walk to another part of the open space, he followed.

“Well then, Isabella, I’ll keep you company until he comes back.” He pushed.

“That’s not necessary, and I don’t recall giving you permission to use my first name.” I said as I continued moving until I was close to a group of people that would hopefully help me if so was required.

“But what kind of gentleman would I be if I left you all alone. He shouldn’t have left you.” His words sounded threatening and people started to notice it too.

“The lady told you to leave her alone.” I heard Carlisle’s voice from behind me, making me turn instantly and walk to him. He stood in front of me protectively looking at the boy.

“I was just offering my company…”

“And she refused. Now I suggest you walk right back from where you came from.”

“Is that a threat, Dr. Cullen?” Right then, when Mr. Johnson spoke those words I swore I heard a growl coming from Carlisle’s chest as his eyes turned black, long forgotten the liquid gold that usually painted them.

“Dr. Cullen. Is there a problem?” One of the men that had been sitting nearby asked as he walked up to the three of us.

“No, Mr. Johnson was already leaving, isn’t that right?” As the new man saw me clinging to Carlisle’s coat, he understood what had been transpired, so he too looked at Mr. Johnson.

“Yeah, I think it’s better if you leave, boy.” The man added in a severe tone. Looking he was at a disadvantage he just walked away.

Slowly, Carlisle started relaxing acknowledging the man that had joined us. “Thank you, Frank.” Carlisle said.

“No problem, we were keeping an eye on the boy when we saw he was following the lady. Hope he doesn’t cause anymore trouble.” He then turned to me. “I’m Frank Wilson, Ms…?”

“Swan, Isabella Swan. Thank you for your help, Mr. Wilson.”

“Don’t mention it. Enjoy the rest of your day.” He said with a sincere smile.

Carlisle exhaled while closing his eyes, still trying to keep his composure before turning back to me and warping me in his arms. “Are you fine, Isabella?” He asked without letting go of me, I just nodded before he continued. “I shouldn’t have left you, I’m so sorry, please, forgive me.” I tuned my head to look at him, his eyes were once again the warm yellow I loved so much.

“Don’t worry about it, nothing happen.” I said trying to reassure him.

“But what if it did? What if I’d taken longer to return?”

“But you didn’t. Please, let’s stop worrying about it and enjoy the rest of our day.” At that time I felt on my back that he had some things in one of his hands. “What do you have there?”

“Well, I had to buy a blanket for us to sit,” he said with a small smile. “And I also got you this.” He unwrapped one his arms to show me a small but beautiful bouquet of purple and pink flowers. “They complement your dress… And your face when you blush.”

I took the flowers as he laid the blanket on the grass and we sat together, delighting ourselves on the music.

Our way back home was thankfully uneventful, still, Carlisle kept one arm around me in a protecting manner, still a little tense thanks to the evening’s events, only relaxing when we were back home, where he gave me another hug.

“I’m sorry, Isabella.” I just wrapped my arms around his waist trying to comfort him.

**Carlisle’s POV**

We were now back in the safety of our home, still, all I wanted to do was to have Isabella safe and sound in my arms so I pulled her to my chest again, tightly enveloping her with my arms carefully not to use too much force. I closed my eyes, hiding my face in her hair, inhaling her sweet aroma remembering she was still here with me, promising to my self to never leave her alone again.

“I’m sorry Isabella.” I offered another apology, feeling her arms snaking around my waist and her face nuzzling my chest.

As part of me was relaxing while I took in the moment I was in, another part of my mind went back to the garden, when I saw that damn boy and I remembered the fury I felt when I saw him following her with his malicious intentions clear in his eyes, seeing Isabella as uncomfortable as she was. I’d always prided my self in the control I’d developed for I’ve always seen human life as precious but at that moment, all I wanted to do was to rip that boy to shreds, to see him bleed and slowly die for the crimes he had surely committed with my Isabella in his mind.

“Carlisle, are you all right? You’re shaking.” I heard her sweet voice ask, but I wasn’t, far from it, I wanted to hunt that bastard and painfully end his life. But I couldn’t bring my self to leave Isabella’s side, so I just kept her close to me, feeling her warmth and concentrating in the feeling of her arms around me and the precious beating of her heart.

“I’m relived you’re fine” I simply said.

* * *

The days passed as before, with me never leaving her alone, always by her side when we needed to go out, bringing her to every home visit I had to make, thankfully, her being my nurse made things easier for why she was always with me when I had to work.

But as the first week passed, I knew I’d had to leave her alone in the house momentarily as I went to hunt, for postponing my trip would only put her in danger of my own thirst. At some point of the night she had gone to her room, preparing for bed so I waited as I listened to her breathing and her heartbeat to signal her sleep before I climbed out the window like the night she had come to me all those months ago.

Once more I rushed to hunt whatever I could find, eager to get back home, having to pull a couple of rabbits from their burrow as well as a fox who was hunting too. In the distance, as I went back home, I heard the sound of glass breaking, instinctively making me run. When I arrived I saw a broken window into my office as I heard Isabella’s scream. I felt my fury taking completely over me bursting through the already forced entrance before running to Isabella’s room.

There, in front of me, I saw red as Mr. Johnson forcefully grabbed Isabella trying to put a cloth to her nose, possibly trying to drug her. I tackle him, forcing him away from her, he didn’t even see me coming he just stood confused for a moment as I stood before him, but when his brain processed the image in front him, he froze, I saw the fear in his eyes and I felt delighted, I wanted him to be afraid, I wanted him to suffer for all the things he was planing on doing. Never before I’d let my killer instinct take a hold of me but this time, _this time I would make an exception_ , I thought to my self, smiling as I went straight for the jugular, ripping apart his throat and making me certain he was dying. I pushed the body away from me, spitting the amount of blood that had gotten in my mouth, refusing to drink from such a twisted individual.

Just then my nose picked up another scent, something sweet and magnificent, and I remembered. Isabella, she was in the room, she had seen everything. The thoughts made me freeze for a second, for I was sure she would start to scream at any moment or she would run away from me, the sight of a monster before her; but the screams never came, neither the frantic steps trying to get away from me. So I finally I turned around, maybe she had passed out, perhaps she hadn’t seen me like this, if that was the case the I would simply clean the mess and she would be non the wiser, but, of course, she had seen everything, her eyes wide open. She looked at the bloody mess on the floor and then at me.

“Carlisle…” She whispered before passing out.

I ran to her side, making sure she wasn’t injured and that her pulse and breathing were normal. After a while, I sighted, she was fine, she just needed to rest, what had happened had been too much, given her passing out. I took her in my arms and moved her to my bed, tucking her in making sure she was comfortable and warm before returning to clean the blood off the floor and thinking of a way to dispose of the body. Finally, I went downstairs and closed the broken window with spare pieces of wood I had laying around.

The rest of the night I sat on the bed with her, thinking of what her reaction would be, planing on how to ensure she could live a comfortable life after she’d left me, but her voice dragged me out of my thoughts because I could listen to her calling my name, not with fear or disgust, but with longing, she seemed restless thrashing around in bed. I put a hand on her forehead, trying to comfort her and it worked, she calmed back down still sleeping. After a couple of moments I stood up as I decided to head to the door but she became restless again when my hand left her face.

“Carlisle…” She repeated looking for me with her hands and finding my arm and pulling me to her. I complied and let myself get near her, wrapping my arms around her as she kept saying my name, finally I sat by her again side pulling her to me, cradling her to my chest.

The next morning came too soon, knowing Isabella would wake anytime now I prepared myself to face whatever outcome. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, obviously confused but I stayed silent waiting for her to react first.

“Carlisle?” I nodded. “Is he… dead?” I nodded again. She stayed silent as she took the information in, starting to cry in the process.

“Isabella, are you hurt?” I asked worried. “Then why are you crying?” I inquired as she had shaken her head, but she just kept crying.

“Carlisle, you saved me.” She said wrapping her weak arms as forcefully as she could around me. Could it be? Was she really not afraid of me? Hadn’t she seen the monster in her room last night? How could she stand to be so affectionate to a being like me?

“Isabella…” Was all he could manage.

“Thank you, Carlisle, you saved me.” She repeated as I sat immobile next to her.

**Bella’s POV**

I don’t know how long had I been asleep when my brain faintly register the sound of glass breaking followed by footsteps. _Maybe Carlisle broke something downstairs_ , I thought. _How can he still be awake so late?_ I asked my self. Suddenly my heard the low creaking noise my door made whenever it was opened and I panicked, Carlisle would always knocked before entering, he would never force his entrance as I laid unconscious.

With an unsure pace I heard the strange figure get close to me, reveling himself when the rays of moonlight reached his face.

I screamed.

I saw him panic, he didn’t expect me to be awake, clumsily he reached for a rag from his pocket and tried to press it against my nose and mouth, I pushed him as best as I could. Suddenly my door busted open all the way and another figure tackled Mr. Johnson faster than humanly possible. Carlisle crouched in front of him ready to attack and I heard another growl, similar to the one I heard in the garden but even more menacing, it took a moment for Mr. Johnson to process what had happened but when he looked at Carlisle he froze. As fast as before, Carlisle threw himself at him, attacking.

I heard a gurgling sound coming from Mr. Johnson, uselessly trying to defend himself as Carlisle bit into his neck. With a thump, the boy fell to the grown. As the noises of the dying man stopped, I realized how hard I was gripping my blankets when I felt my hands hurting, I was able to feel my heart beating like it was going to fail at any moment. Carlisle turned to look at me, what little light that came though the window showed me his face, his lips covered in red liquid as it saturated his shirt. I heard my voice in the distance calling his name before the dizziness took over me and dragged me into darkness.

I woke up to a now familiar coolness around me and I turned to look at Carlisle with fear in his eyes as he waited for me to regain consciousness.

“Carlisle... Is he dead?” I finally asked as my eyes filled with tears, he just nodded.

“Isabella, are you hurt?” I shook my head. “Then why are you crying?” I didn’t know, maybe I was still in shock, I was grateful and… I was happy to just feel his embrace.

“Carlisle, you saved me.” I said snaking my own arms around him, resting my head on his chest and inhaling his sweet smell.

“Isabella...” I knew he was going to try to explain what had happened but I didn’t care.

“Thank you, Carlisle, you saved me.”

The rest of the day was uneventful and although it was Sunday we stayed home. He carried me down to the kitchen where he sat me on a chair as he looked for something for me to eat. When I finished he took me once more in his arms and we went back to his room, tucking me back into bed.

“You should probably rest.” As he turned to leave.

“No!” I said taking his hand. “Don’t leave me, please.” He looked surprise as I pleaded but finally he nodded.

“I’ll be right back, let me go for a couple of things. Don’t worry, I’ll be quick.” I nervously complied and let go of his hand.

He was back in seconds with a book and dragged the chair that was usually by his window closer to the bed before sitting down. All day he never left my side.

At some point I had fallen asleep for the next time I opened my eyes it was darker outside. Carlisle was still with me, he looked up from his book and closed it when he saw me awake before putting it down on the bedside table.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Fine, thank you. And you?” A small laugh came out of him as he gently touched my cheek.

“I’m in perfect condition, thanks for asking.”

“Carlisle...” As much as I wanted to forget about last night, I knew there was something we needed to talk about, and by the look on his face, he thought the same. “About last night...”

“Isabella.” He said with a sigh as he stood up, pacing around the room in desperation. “I’m sorry you had to see that... I’ll understand if you want me to leave, you won’t have to worry about anything, I’ll have everything arranged for you to have a comfortable life...”

“Why would I want you to leave?” I asked confused and saw him stop dead in his track. “You saved me.” He turned to look at me like I’d grown a new head.

“Isabella, what do you remember?”

“Mr. Johnson coming into my room trying to drug me, you tackling him and attacking him, his body fell to the ground and then you looked at me and I passed out. I remember blood everywhere.” He looked genuinely astonished.

“I...” For the first time he was speechless. I got out of the bed and walked to him to wrap my arms around him.

“Carlisle, I’m not afraid of you... In fact... I kind of new about you for a while now, last night just confirmed it...” He grabbed me from my shoulders and push me enough to see my face.

“How?!” He sounded frantic.

“Well, you are always cold and your skin is extremely pale, like if you where dead. I’ve never seen you eat anything, even in the garden you just left your tea untouched. That day I also noticed your eyes change colors when you get mad, and... you growled. Also, I’m the one that washes your clothes, remember? More than once I’ve seen your shirts with small drops of blood, even in days you didn’t work with injured patients. Finally, last night, well as I said, it just confirmed my suspicions.”

“And you’re not afraid.” He said more to himself than to me, a statement to which I just shrugged.

“You’ve been nothing but kind to me. Last night you protected me, I was scared of the situation, of course, but not of you. I trust you and I don’t want you to go away.” As his hands left my shoulders I buried my face back into his chest. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Never.” He answered.

**Carlisle’s POV**

The next days were... strange, somehow the same and different at the same time. Every once in a while Isabella would have questions for me about my vampiric nature that would casually intertwine with doubts about her studies, she asked about my age, how long had I been 23, about my life as a human or why I didn’t burn in the daylight; basically anything she could think of. The biggest change in our routine was that she was afraid to go to sleep alone, at first she would pretend she wasn’t tired, spending most of the night with me reading, it wasn’t until she almost passed out of exhaustion that I finally got her to tell me what was wrong. It was understandable really, so we made an arrangement, when I had things to do she would sleep in the loveseat as I finished, when I was done I would take her upstairs and tuck her in bed before taking the armchair by her side.

On the fifth day after the incident I knew I had to go hunt soon but I didn’t want to leave her alone as she slept or lie to her so I knew a had to bring up the topic.

“Isabella, you have asked me a lot of questions about my kind but I noticed you haven’t touched on my diet.”

“Well, you drink blood, don’t you?”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” She shrugged looking up from her book. “Haven’t you wondered about where I take the blood from?”

“Are you trying to make me afraid of you again?” I laughed, I guess her reaction was expected for I had thought that maybe her acceptance would be no more than a shock and she would start screaming at any moment in horror of my presence, so with the answers to her questions I would try to push that rejection on me, after the third day I stopped, maybe she really was fine with what I was, and wasn’t that a beautiful idea?

“Did It work?” I asked amused.

“No. I already told you I trust you, Carlisle, and truthfully, I care very deeply for you.” Her words made me feel warm inside but just as that feeling found it’s way to my heart, it was replaced by the misery of knowing I would never be able to have her as I wanted.

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to believe you really aren’t afraid of me.” I said continuing the conversation. “But I actually have a reason to bring this up. You see, others like me drink blood from humans but because I refuse to do so, I hunt animals for their blood. The things is, I’ll need to go hunt soon so I’ll have to leave you alone for a while, I could go first thing in the morning after you wake up, there’s no reason for anyone to come at that hour so you don’t have to tend to the door, and I’ll take as little time as possible.” She looked at me still clearly uncomfortable with the idea of being left alone but she nodded.

As I explained, every week I would wait for her to wake up before telling her I’d need to go hunting, running to the woods while Isabella stayed preparing her own breakfast.

More weeks passed and soon the first couple of months had gone by but Isabella still hated the idea of being alone at night, so we continued our arrangement, she would fall asleep in my study waiting for me and then I would carry her upstairs and sit in the armchair as she slept. It wasn’t until one night she was having a nightmare that I cut my work short and cradled her in my arms until she calmed down before taking her upstairs. As I put her down in the bed, she grabbed my shirt with her hands, getting agitated as I tried to pull the fabric out of her hands. Finally I relented and with a sight I laid down with her.

Heavens knew my sigh wasn’t due to exasperation for all I’d been wanting is to have her close to me, but because I knew it would intensify the pain of the inevitable moment I’d have to let her go. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to regret my actions as I spent the night looking at her face, a frown that I undid with a soft kiss between her brows, a caress on her cheek as I moved pieces of hair away from her face and the feeling of her lips on my fingertips before she nuzzled my chest.

The rain that had been falling in small droplets through the night intensified with the accompaniment of thunders, causing Isabella to hold on tighter to me, as she let go of my shirt and fully wrapped herself around me. In that moment, as she had me in her arms as much as I had her in mine, I wondered about the feeling of her lips against my own and without realizing what I was doing, my desire dragged me to her, after directing her face to mine I softly I brushed my stone mouth against her velvety pink petals before applying the tiniest bit of pressure, not noticing that the first rays of daylight creeped through the window slowly pulling her away from deep sleep. Fluttering her eyes open she moved in my arms before my lips had left hers.

I felt her froze and before she could say anything I was already out the door, not bothering to use a human speed.

**Bella’s POV**

One moment I felt Carlisle kissing me, the next one I was alone in the room and yet, the fuzzy feeling inside of me caused by his touch, remained.

The rest of the day Carlisle avoided me, even when we were in his study, his conversation revolved only about professional topics making me feel his rejection. Nevertheless, a doubt inside me lingered; he had been the one who kissed me, why would he do that if he didn’t want me. So the rest of the day I looked at him closely, trying my best to pretend I wasn’t paying attention in case he looked at me, finally, when I was losing hope, when I felt the first sharp pull in my heart, I felt his eyes on me and I saw it: desire.

**Carlisle’s POV**

I felt pain, a sensation I hadn’t felt for the longest time since the transformative fire, but now I felt it when I knew she was looking at me, I wanted to know what she was thinking. She hadn’t said a thing after she’d woken up and it killed me, I loved her, I wanted her and she stood so close to me and so far at the same time. How could I bring myself to look at her face when I had kissed her without her consent as she had trusted me with her sleeping hours.

And yet, I had to look at her, at least one more time, I needed to know how much my actions had hurt her.

As I moved my gaze to her, she caught my eyes with her own forcefully prohibiting me to look away with the curiosity that showed clear as day in her chocolate pools. In the light of the fire her skin reflected the warmth I knew it possessed and the intensity of her spirit, her lips looked brighter and they made me long for another taste. In the moment, her nightgown seemed lighter as it didn’t hide the perfect shape of her curves or the roundness of her breasts, her heart beat increased so I return my attention to her stare to see if I could figure what had caused her agitation and as I looked for answers, I saw that her curiosity had been replaced by something else: determination.

Isabella stood up from the loveseat and walked up to me, without saying anything, she took my hands as she pressed her lips to mine, after a couple of seconds she pulled away and looked me in the eyes with a smile before initiating a second graze between our lips. I pulled her into my lap and deepened our touch. She pressed her body to mine as she rested her hands on my shoulders. Feeling my desire for her guide me, I lightly stroked her bottom lip with the tip of my tongue, leaving a small trace of cold venom on her skin, I felt her shudder and I thought about stoping for maybe it had meant she was uncomfortable but instead her lips parted, giving me access to taste her. At one point she pulled away, catching her breath, her face beautifully blushed intensified my craving for her.

My hands that until that point were patiently waiting on her hips now wanted to pull her closer, to let my body feel her right next to me, and so I warped my arms around her waist pulling her to my chest, making her straddle my legs and causing me to smell her arousal. A lustfull growl came from my chest and I heard a small laugh as her response. I wanted more, I _needed_ more than her kisses, I longed for the rest of her and so I moved my lips to her neck, covering her pulse point with my venom as one of my hands slowly moved its way up to cup her right breast, perfectly small, soft and warm just like the rest of her, an action that forced a small moan out of her.

Isabella buried her fingers in my hair forcing my mouth back to hers before she found her way to my throat, brushing the skin of my neck with her lips as her hands explored my chest, pulling my shirt out of my pants. I stopped her grabbing her hands and making her look at me.

“Are you sure, Isabella?” I asked, I needed her permission to continue. She nodded with a smile.

“I want you, Carlisle.”

I let her pull my shirt off of me, which ended forgotten on the floor as her delicate fingers traced the muscles of my torso. I took her in my arms and moved us upstairs, I laid her on my bed, her hair like a halo around her, And I ripped her offending garment to shreds, finally allowing me to fully see her, every part of her, every beauty mark, every detail of her skin now glowing with the moonlight.

I hovered over her and traced her shapes with my fingertips, making her shiver. At that moment I remember the times I dreamed with this moment—thinking it would never be—and realized that I was nowhere close to the perfection of the angel in front of me.

“You are beautiful.” I simply said, my words not being able to fully translate my thoughts, causing her blush to reach her chest.

Carefully I laid on top of her, a little to the side so that I didn’t crush her with my weight as my lips searched for hers once more, little by little moving down her body. My fingertips grazed her bare bust, hardening her nipples with my cold before my mouth moved to pay the attention that area deserved. As my tongue took cake of her left breast, one of my hands softly kneaded the other before finding its way to her thighs, leisurely caressing her legs causing her pleasured moans to become needy.

“Carlisle...” she yearned as her hands grab at my back.

My mouth switched to her other breast as my fingers felt the wetness in her core, I felt Isabella opening her legs as an invitation and so I moved my digits among her folds, teasing her entrance as the heel of my hand toyed with her swollen bundle of nerves causing her to repeat my name between heavy sighs.

Slowly, I moved my mouth down her torso, kissing and licking her belly and hips before settling in front of her sex, playfully flicking her bud causing her to yelp. I kept going with the ministrations of my tongue as I carefully inserted my middle finger in her slit, curling it over and over before repeating the actions accompanied by my index. As she got close to her climax, her hips thrusted against my mouth and I felt the pressure of her legs against the hand that was keeping them open.

After she came down from her first wave of pleasure I stood up, tearing my pants from my legs, freeing my groin hardened with need before positioning myself between her legs once more, taking the sight of my beautiful Isabella naked before me.

“I’ve never been tempted by anything in my existence as I’ve been by you for the longest time, Isabella.”

“Then take me.” She answered wrapping one of her legs around my waist.

Slowly I pushed my length between her folds, closely following her reactions, stoping the moment I saw her brows puckering and a silent groan that signal her discomfort.

“Have I hurt you?” I asked nervously. “Should I stop?” She shook her head as her hands pulled my lips to hers.

As we kissed I moved little by little deeper inside of her until her warmth surrounded all of me. Whispering loving words in her ear I waited until she asked me to continue, giving her a couple of slow thrusts making her hips react to mine, concentrating on not using too much force. I wrapped my arms around her and rolled us over so that she could be on top, for I thought that letting her lead would minimize the risk.

Gently I grabbed her hips guiding her movements until she started doing it on her own, her hands on my chest as she stablished the pace.

At one point her moans became louder and louder, repeating my name over and over until her motions became erratic, she arched her back and I felt her muscles tighten around me with pleasure, once more I lead her hips as she rode me through her orgasm, causing me to reach my own peak.

As the energy left her body, she collapsed on top of me, her heart beating like crazy and with panted breaths, I caressed her back making her shiver as I pulled out of her. With my fingers on her chin I moved her face in my direction, moving strands of her hair that had sticked to her face out of the way before I pulled her into a loving kiss.

From the moment I came into my second life I had thought that living in darkness was my curse but tonight as the rays of moonlight kissed Isabella’s skin as the only sourced of light, making her shine like a goddess, I saw beauty in the nighttime for the first time in my existence.

“I love you, Isabella.” I said as we rejoiced in our afterglow.

“I love you, Carlisle.”

**Late February, 1840**

Once again our routine changed after that night now months ago as we started to keep ourselves busy enjoying each other’s body before going to sleep and usually again as we bathed together in the morning. Never did I thought I could deserve a soul so magnificent when I lost mine and yet, Isabella shared my bed every night and as selfish as it was, I wanted to make her mine forever.

So I found myself playing with the little black box everyday since I’ve gotten it, keeping it in the pocket of my coat, seeing the days go by, waiting and waiting.

“Isabella, do you have a moment?” I called from my office, listening for her steps to get closer.

“Is there’s something you need?” She bluntly asked.

“Please come in, have a seat.” I said signaling the armchair inform of my desk. She complied and waited for me to continue. “I’ve been contacted by and old acquaintance up in Inverness that is in need of my medical assistance.”

“How long do you think you’ll stay in Scotland?” It wasn’t the first time I’d traveled for work related reasons in the couple of years we’d lived in Oxford so it was no surprise when she simply asked that question.

“Well, since I might stay for longer than usual due to any complications that might arise, I’d like you to come with me, then you could also assist me with the treatments.”

“Really?” She said with the excitement I’d seen more and more of in her big eyes since the first time we’d laid naked in each other’s embrace.


	4. First and Final Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested songs:  
> -Love Song by Lana del Rey  
> -Girl at Home by Taylor Swift  
> -We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre  
> -Rebel Heart by First Aid Kit

**March, 1840.**

**Carlisle’s POV**

The trip to the Highlands was quite uneventful and as the need to hide my true nature from Isabella was nonexistent anymore, I decided to run all the way up carrying her in my arms. We waited until the sun went down for me to start our journey and though I could’ve made the travel in one night, the trip extended for a couple of days as we stopped in a couple of little towns, deciding I could buy whatever we needed as we traveled up north.

At first I’d been afraid that Isabella was going to get motion sickness traveling at the speeds I did, so I had taken her a couple of times to the woods near our home as a test, it turned out she seemed to enjoy the how fast I could run.

Once we arrived to Inverness, we settle in a house I had rented for the time needed, content as we went inside and saw everything had been set up just as I said in the arrangements I’d made. The residence was smaller than the one we had in Oxford, more like a cottage, but perfect for both of us and the time being.

As I went into what would be my study for the next weeks I took my coat off, feeling Isabella taking it off of my hands as she planted a kiss on my cheek before hanging it near the door before she went to look at the rest of the place.

“Only one bedroom?” Isabella asked with mischief on her lips as she came back into my office after a couple of minutes.

**Bella’s POV**

“Only one bedroom?” I asked with fake innocence on my tone causing him to look up at me from the papers he was reading.

“Well,” he approached me with the vampiric speed that never stopped to amaze me. “It’s not like we’ve had use for two rooms in the last months back at home.” His eyes dark with lust, his voice with irresistible playfulness, causing my heartbeat to go up.

A now familiar growl that signal his desire came from his chest and caused me to giggle as he lifted me with his arms and took me to the bedroom.

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t need a blanket between us?” He asked as I rested my head on his chest and my fingers traced his marble skin.

“I already told you I don’t mind your cold.” I said as I searched for his lips with my own. “I like to feel you against my skin.” I added feeling his caresses on my bare hips.

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“I know, just like I know I need to tell you if I feel you holding me too tight.”

“I just… I don’t want to hurt you.” He said with concern.

“I know.” I answered once again sincerely. “I promise I’ll always let you know.” Satisfied, he kissed me once more.

“So, how long will we be staying here?” I asked.

“It’s not definitive but at the very least, about a month.”

“And when are you going to see your new patient?”

“We still have some time before that, I wanted to come here earlier so that we could settle and take some time enjoying the city; in fact, I’d like to take you out tomorrow.”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” I huffed at his response. “I know, I know, you don’t like surprised but please bear with me.”

“Fine.” I said with an over exaggerated rolling of my eyes. “On one condition,” his golden eyes looked at me curious. “Make love to me again.” I said climbing on top of him, his eyes black once more.

* * *

I woke up the next morning in his arms as had been the usual for the last months, his nose nuzzling my hair the moment he sense me moving as I regained consciousness before greeting me with a good morning and a kiss. After eating breakfast I took a bath and came out to a beautiful blue dress embellished with purple flowers, waiting for me on our bed.

“I took the liberty of choosing your garments today, I hope you like it.” He said from behind me wrapping his arms around my waist, leaning down to kiss the pulse point on my neck.

I got dressed and ready to go somewhere as he waited for me reading a book in the living room, looking up at me with amazed eyes when I walked up to him. He got up and enrobed himself with his coat and hat before offering me his arm.

Most of our day was spent in the countryside, being carried in his arms for most of the time it took us to get there. He set a picnic for me as we both took in our surroundings. Before him, I’d never been outside of London, so the peace of the Highlands was something new to me and I welcomed it, I liked being surrounded by nothing else but nature, enjoying the silence as Carlisle pulled me to him, resting my head on his chest, feeling his caresses and the way he played with my hair as he let it down after taking off my hat.

“I feel overwhelmed.” I said in a whisper. He stopped his ministrations.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized, probably thinking my feelings were due to him, so I cupped one of his cheeks while kissing the other in a reassuring manner.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… I’m feeling all of this too strong, like my heart isn’t big or strong enough to house my feeling for you; and this place, it’s beautiful, I wish we could stay here, like this, forever.”

**Carlisle’s POV**

I brushed my lips against hers, wiping the tears that came out of her eyes with my thumb while I looked for the handkerchief on my pocket, feeling the little black box still waiting in my coat.

“Isabella. Never in my almost 200 years of walking this Earth have I ever felt anything close to the fire you ignited in my heart. Whenever I’m with you I feel at home, safe and free to be myself for even when you see me for who I am you continue to choose me as your companion.

"The day I was transformed in the thing that I am today I was sure I had lost my soul and with it, any chances I could have had at happiness, but when I saw you, as blasphemous as it is, you became my angel and if a being so perfect as you could love me against all reason, then maybe, just maybe there was something good still in me worthy of salvation.

“As you became my guiding light, everyday I strive to make you proud and if your soul could be transformed into art, it would be the most sublime musical masterpiece. I want you to know I ask this out of my undying love for you and not some kind of guilt for I willingly give myself to you in every aspect there is, and if you would be kind enough, I ask if you’d like to accept me forever.” I finished as I got on one knee and took the little box from my pocket, opening it to reveal a golden ring.

There was silence and in those moments I couldn’t think of anything else besides the fear of her rejection as she looked shocked at me but then tears started rushing down her face, her lips trembling and a soft ‘yes’ left her mouth.

**3rd Person POV**

Given the circumstances, the wedding only consisted of the priest, Bella and Carlisle, so they chose to get married in Inverness after they had finished their commitments. Although there would be no party or guests Carlisle had insisted in buying a wedding dress for Bella, who kept refusing as she deemed it a waste, nevertheless as usual he insisted and she relented, going for a white gown now in popularity thanks to Queen Victoria’s own weeding a couple of months before.

On the first night of their honeymoon, when they laid in bed naked after sharing themselves with each other now as a married couple and as Bella was being claimed by sleep, Carlisle took the most selfish decision he had ever made, for his love for the woman in his arms was inviting him to commit a sin.

“Isabella.” He called in a soft voice in case she was already asleep.

“Yes?” She answer.

“If I asked you to be with me forever, would you accept?”

“I don’t understand, I’m already you wife, isn’t that your answer?” She answered amusedand with a smile on her lips, not catching what he was truly implying.

“I… I don’t mean it like that. Isabella, I’ll never age, I’ll never die and… I feel ashamed of asking this of you, for I would never want you to be damned like me, but I can’t fathom an existence without you.” He looked into her eyes as he took her hands in his. “Isabella… would you walk this Earth for the rest of eternity with me?” She was still as she took in what he was asking but the truth was that there was not a single doubt in her that made her question her decision.

“Carlisle, you can’t be damned, you’re too good, and I can only hope to be like you, so yes, I want to be yours forever.”

And with that, Carlisle’s teeth searched for her neck, ripping her skin before introducing his venom into her bloodstream, marking the start of the next centuries of their wanderings through the world together.

* * *

**Present Day**

Carlisle walked in company of a bronze haired boy through the streets of Vancouver enjoying the daytime in the cloudy weather. He had taken a couple of weeks off from his usual job at Forks’ small hospital and decided it would be nice to spend some time away from the little town life, Bella had obviously come with him, as well as their 5 children. Edward—their first son—was the bronze haired boy with the ability of reading everyone’s mind with the exception of her adoptive mother. Rosalie had come after Edward and Emmett—her mate—soon after. Neither of them would leave Isabella’s side willingly, for Isabella reminded Emmett of his loving mother and after being the one taking care of his family from a very young age, he was happy to act the part of the baby boy in their lives.

Though Rosalie hadn’t lacked anything material as a human, she never felt the unconditional love of a family and with the violent end of her first life at the hands of men, when she came into the second, Rose had found in Bella a space only true sisterhood could provide, a place where she could heal.

Then came Alice and Jasper, the precognizant and the empath, one living in the future and the other one grounding her in the present. Both happy to play the part of a daughter and a son, living peacefully for the first time in their existence.

**Edward’s POV**

As Alice had kidnapped Bella and Rosalie for a girl’s day and Jasper and Emmett had gone hunting, this afternoon Carlisle and I were alone, finding ourselves in a small record store in Vancouver’s Downtown. While Carlisle didn’t mind using streaming platforms for his musical needs, I liked to collect albums in their physical formats so when I recognized the artwork of a record I’d been looking for in the mind of a patron of this store, I asked Carlisle to come find it with me.

As I went straight for the table I’d seen housed what I was looking for, Carlisle looked through the store leisurely, his thoughts wandered listening to the background song: Izabella, remembering the first time he had heard it. I saw a memory coming to his mind, it was one of the few instances where they had acted their age, in 1969 Bella had dragged him to Woodstock as part of their third honeymoon, he recalled both of them listening to Jimi Hendrix as they shared a kiss in the middle of the audience.

Though I had what I was looking for, I decided to take a look around the rest of the store to give him some time as he rode through memory lane, tuning him out to give him privacy. Just as I tried to focus somewhere else I heard the characteristic hum of another vampiric mind walking nearby, so I went back to Carlisle before the newcomer entered the store.

The moment she opened the door Carlisle was aware of her presence and she of ours, we didn’t think it would end in anything regrettable but our instincts told us to beware, Carlisle pretended to look at the CDs in the rack in front of him as I just stood by his side like I was waiting for him to finish so that we didn’t looked too out of place to the humans. We were stiff, waiting for her reaction until she took off her cat-eyed sunglasses to show golden irises.

“She’s like us.” I said obviously more relaxed to Carlisle who hadn’t looked at her. “ _Vegetarian._ ” I explained using the term we joked around when we referred to our diet.

She smiled at my comment, relief washed over her face as she too realized we fed on animal blood. In her mind she was surprised to encounter two other vampires that shared her diet and I snickered at her shock thinking of the rest of our family. Confused, Carlisle looked at me.

“She’s surprised to see two other vampires that don’t drink human blood.” I said low enough for her not to listen from where she stood as she moved around the store. “She’s thinking on introducing herself and questioning our reasons for our eating habits.”

 _Should we?_ Asked Carlisle in his mind to which I just shrugged.

“Why not?, she seems nice.”

As I answered Carlisle turned to where the woman was, she was looking at us, my thoughts still tuned to Carlisle’s in case his instincts told us to walk away. And then, I felt it. The moment Carlisle’s eyes locked into hers his mind registered a tug, something I recognized from Rosalie and Emmett’s heads the moment they saw each other for the first time after his transformation. I froze. _It can’t be._ I thought to myself.

Carlisle’s thoughts became hazy, his instincts taking over his reason and her image was the only thing left with clarity. In that moment I knew what was happening, overwhelming me with the force of his mind; yet my own thoughts where somewhere else, afraid of what was occurring in front of me, the face of my mother came to me as Izabella’s last notes played in the background.

**Carlisle’s POV**

I turned around towards the woman taking the lead to introduce ourselves as leader of our coven, knowing Edward would walk right behind me. Then, everything stoped as I felt a tug in my chest. Every thought in my mind ceased to exist as I took in the image of the woman before me, her big eyes that could express everything with one look and her small rounded lips reminded me of the innocent beauty of Clara Bow. Her face was framed by soft caramel waves that mimicked the color of her eyes.

In the distance I heard someone clearing his voice but it wasn’t until Edward called my name that I came out of my trance. I looked at him, a mix of emotions were reflected on his face as I felt the pull in my chest linger, calling me to the woman in front of me.

As our gaze was broken when I turned to acknowledge my son, she took the opportunity and walked to us.

“Hello.” Her melodic voice said as she offered me her hand which I gladly took. “I’m Esme Platt.”

“Carlisle Cullen.” I answered feeling electricity running through my skin the moment our hands touched. She offered me a warm smile and I felt my lips doing the same in return as I got lost in her image once more, feeling a cold sensation inside of me the moment our hands let go of each other.

“Hello, I’m Edward Cullen.” My son introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you.” She answered looking at him. “I’m surprised to see two other of our kind that share our views.” Returning her gaze to mine.

“We know it’s quite uncommon but our family has kept this lifestyle since it was only Carlisle.”

“Family?” She asked surprised.

“Yes, there’s 7 of us.” Edward explained as my mind was kept busy by Esme. “Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett, my sisters and brothers, Carlisle, our father, and our mother, Isabella.”

 _Isabella_. Suddenly Isabella’s name brought me back to reality, dissipating the fogginess that clouded my judgement, feeling a pang of guilt over the way my thoughts had wandered to another woman, in shame I looked down as my son and Esme kept talking.

“Wow! Aside from the Vulturi, I’ve never seen a coven that large. It must be difficult to live in a group that big.”

“Not really, unlike the Vulturi we aren’t together out of convenience, as I said, _we are a family_.” Edward answered with a hint a sharpness, his tone taking Esme aback. “Carlisle and Isabella started the family when they got married and then they found each of us.”

“It must be nice to have such a loving family, then.”

“It is. Speaking of, they must be waiting for us. Have a nice day, Ms. Platt.”

“Of course, I’d hate to keep you. Have a nice day.” I nodded in acknowledgment following Edward as he paid and out of the store.

He kept a quick pace as we left the store behind, stoping when we reached my black Mercedes.

“Keys?” He demanded and I threw them at him before I got in. He sighed closing his eyes and griping the steering wheel to an inch of breaking it. “Carlisle…” He said, his voice filled with a mixture of concern, frustration and confusion. “What was that?! In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never even looked at another woman twice and now! You couldn’t keep your thoughts away from her! Only when I reminded you of your wife!”

“I…” But what could I say? He was right, he had seen my thoughts when they wandered to Esme, when all I could think about was…

“STOP!” He yelled cutting my train of thought. “Carlisle… I’ve seen this once before, in Rosalie’s mind when… When she and Emmett started developing their bond…”

 _It… It can’t be_.

“Well then, I don’t know what to say to you! I don’t know what happened back there but, it needs to stop.”

 _Will you… tell Isabella?_ He sighed at my question.

“No… I don’t think it's my place to do that. In any case, you should think what you’re going to do now.”

“Nothing.” I answered immediately as sure of myself as I could. “Nothing will change, Isabella is my wife and I’m not planing to change that.”

As we reached our temporary home in Vancouver I could hear the rest of the family already in the house. Alice’s constant chatter and Emmett laughing at her sister’s words. Apparently Alice had challenged Rose to dress down for a whole week and Rose, never turning down a challenge, had accepted. Their happy tones alleviating my guilt, comforting me. Isabella was my wife and as I had told Edward, that wasn’t going to change.

When we reached the entrance I could hear Jasper’s voice complaining to Alice.

“Darling could you _please_ change the music? We’ve been listening to this woman for weeks now since she came out with her new album.”

“Definitely not! Taylor Swift is a voice of this generation and all of you need to appreciate it!” Unlike what Alice was saying, we were all quite familiar with Ms. Swift’s songs by now, so I recognized the song that was playing the moment I paid attention to it, its lyrics having the opposite effect on me compared to the upbeat tone of the music.

As we walked through the door, Alice greeted us singing along.

_“I just want to make sure_

_You understand perfectly_

_You're the kind of man who makes me sad_

_While she waits up, you chase down the newest thing_

_And take for granted what you have"_

_How fitting_ , I thought, guilt coming back to me as Isabella came running into my arms pulling me for a kiss.

* * *

With the days passing by, everything was back to normal. If Alice had seen anything she didn’t tell me but knowing her, the song she was singing as Edward and I entered the room the day we met Esme, was not a coincidence; still, I decided I needed to put the issue behind me and yet, the pulling sensation in my chest reappeared every once in a while.

“Carlisle, you know I try no to pry in anyone’s feelings but I’ve noticed that lately you’ve been feeling… anxious and sometimes distant. Is there a problem?” Japer asked our last Friday in Vancouver as he walked up to me. I was enjoying the view from outside the house on my own, taking advantage of the fact that everyone was in their respective rooms packing for our return to Forks.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said trying to be convincing. “I’ve just been having a lot in my mind.”

“Is there something I can do?”

“No, really, it’s fine. I appreciate your offer, nonetheless.” He eyed me again before nodding and returning to Alice’s side.

A few moments passed before I heard steps once more in my direction, the wind carrying the familiar aroma of my wife.

“Hey.” She said wrapping her slender arms around my waist from behind, resting her head on my back. “All the kids have finished packing, they are getting ready to leave.”

“Right now?” I asked surprised. “I’m sorry, I’ll go finish my packing, it’ll only take moment.” Isabella’s laugh took me by surprise and as I tried to go inside she took my hand pulling me to her.

“Well, I didn’t tell you this before because I wanted to surprise you. The kids are returning to Forks today but you and I are staying here for little longer, or we can go somewhere else If you’d like but, I just wanted to spend some time alone with you… It’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us!”

“But I’m supposed to return to work on Monday.”

“Don’t worry about it, I called before we came here, telling them you’d like to take another week. With how much you work, they didn’t have any problem.” She said with a smile I couldn’t help but return with my own.

Together we went back as the kids loaded everything in Rosalie’s Jeep and Edward’s Volvo. Before leaving, we gave each one a hug, though we would only be a week away and we’d lived apart in some occasions, being away from the rest of our family was strange. As I approached Edward, he gave me a severe look.

 _I love her, son. I’ve loved her for almost 200 years, I promised myself to her and I’m not going to break that promise, no matter what happened in the store._ I told him trough my thoughts, him just nodding in acceptance.

Isabella and I watched them drive away from the front porch, our arms around each other in a side hug.

“Well then,” she said turning to look at me, our hands linked. “Do you want to stay here or would you like to go somewhere else?”

“I don’t know, do you have any plans?” I asked, wondering if she had planed us to go somewhere in particular.

“Oh I do, I have a lot of plans.” She said suggestively enveloping my neck with her arms, pressing her body against mine. “But I can carry on with those pretty much anywhere, though I’d like to get started as soon as possible.” She continued before kissing my jaw.

“Well then. Why waste time traveling if there’s a perfectly good bed in here.” I said adjusting her legs around my waist and running to our room.

* * *

The rest of the day passed with us in bed, making love until our thirst forced us to stop and go hunting. As we satiated the burn in our throats, we walked back to our house hand in hand, sharing passionate kisses along the way. The Incident with Esme now forgotten as I saw Isabella’s loving gaze and our bodies reconnected, she was my wife and after so many years I still loved her like the I did when she was still human.

“What are you thinking?” She asked as she hopped playfully onto my back causing me to laugh.

“How much I love you.” I admitted as I grabbed her thighs, carrying her all the way back home. “And I was remembering the night you shared my bed for the first time.” She giggled, bringing to my mind a blushed version of her face.

“I love you too.”

* * *

As the middle of the week approached, I thought about doing something for Isabella so I excused myself early in the morning, deflecting her questions telling her it was a surprise and kissing her before driving Downtown. I walked to a jewelry store where I’d seen a beautiful dainty necklace with what seemed to be sapphires and diamonds, though she still said she hated me spending so much money on her, as the decades went by she made less of a fuss about it.

Walking back I passed an old books bookstore and as I thought about going in and looking for something for Isabella, my phone rang. _Third shelf from right to left in the back_ , said the message from Alice, and as I followed her advice I saw a first edition of _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ by Truman Capote. Finally I bought paper to wrap the book and a dozen of white roses before heading back to my car, but as I passed the stores and coffee shops, I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me, restarting the pull on my heart.

“Carlisle!” Called Esme from behind me, happily approaching me. “We keep running into each other.”

“Ms. Platt.” I acknowledged as the guilt came back to me fighting with the warm sensation that started to fill my chest as I took in her image. “So it seems.”

“Such beautiful flowers you’ve got there.” She said pulling out a rose from the bouquet before I could stop her, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of the petals in her hand. “I just love the smell of fresh roses.” She added as she opened her eyes to look at the book and wrapping paper in my hands. “Looks like you’ve been busy this morning. Is there a problem in paradise?”

The tone she used to implied that made me uncomfortable, but trying not to be impolite I laugh it off before denying her assumptions. “No, everything is fine. I don’t think there should be a reason in order to give something to my wife.”

“Isabella, is that right?”

“Bella.” I corrected her. “She doesn’t like others using her full name.”

“Well then, _Bella_ is a lucky lady.” She said saying her name with venom in her tone. A part of me felt fury for the attitude she was showing towards my wife, yet, it wasn’t enough for the stretching sensation in my heart to stop. By the time I came back from my conflicting thoughts, I saw Ms. Platt had gotten closer to me, her golden eyes staring right into mine.

“I’m the one who is lucky. Have a nice day, Ms. Platt.” I quickly said turning around and back into my car.

I drove faster than usual, stopping a couple of miles before our house to collect my self. I couldn’t deny what this was, a bond forming, but why? I tried remembering what Marcus had told me about bonds the first time I had been in Volterra, but the tornado of thought in my mind was preventing my concentration. I was happily married, I loved my wife. Why was this happening? The absence of answers was maddening.

Defeated I bought more time slowly wrapping Isabella’s book before resuming my ride home, taking unnecessary breaths as I tried to calm down. Finally feeling my thoughts settle down as I saw Isabella waiting for me by the door.

“You we’re away and awfully long time, Dr. Cullen.” She said with fake severity in her voice.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Cullen, but I went looking for this.” I said as I gave her the flowers and the book. Seeing her eyes lit up at the sight.

“They are beautiful. Thank you, Carlisle. Though it’s weird, there are only eleven flowers, isn’t it usually a dozen?” She said pulling me into a kiss not caring about the answer.

“Aren’t you going to open your present?”

“Later.” She simply added leading me back into bed.

As I found myself once more with her bare form in my arms, sharing languid kisses in our afterglow I thought of the necklace I’d gotten her, getting up to retrieve it.

“Were are you going?” She asked.

“I got you something else. Now, close your eyes.”

“Carlisle...”

“Humor me, my love.” She rolled her eyes before closing them. I returned to her back in bed, displaying the jewelry in my hands before asking her to open her eyes.

“Oh heavens, Carlisle, it’s gorgeous.” She said tracing her delicate fingers over the precious stones. “But it’s too...” I shushed her with another kiss, putting the necklace on her. “Hey! I haven’t accepted it!” I laughed pulling her close to me again, continuing our affectionate touches.

* * *

The week came to an end and so Isabella and I headed back home, with our hands linked all the drive to Forks.

As I pulled into our drive way I saw Alice jumping towards us with her usual happy attitude, hugging Isabella and I together as best as she could with her petite arms.

“We missed you!”

“We missed you too, all of you.” Isabella said looking at the entrance as the rest of the kids came out.

“Can I see the necklace?!” Our pixie asked excitedly.

“Didn’t you already see it when I decided to buy it?” I questioned her.

“Well yes, and I knew mom would love it but it’s not the same.”

“She’s been like this since she saw it.” Said Emmett as he helped us with our luggage. “Please just show it to her.” Isabella laugh as she complied taking her scarf off.

“It’s so pretty!”

“Great, now I’ll have to get one for her.” Said Jasper mockingly which gain him a punch in the arm.

As everyone went back to what they were doing and Alice started pestering Isabella with questions about our week away, I decided to go to my office and go through some things I had to do before returning to work.

“Please come in.” I called sensing Edward outside my door.

“Hunt?” He asked, clearly wanting us far from the others before talking.

“Of course.”

We ran until we found some deers, satiating our thirst before either of us started talking.

_You may ask whatever is in your mind, son._

“Did... Did something else happened?”

_She ran into me when I went Downtown looking for you mother’s presents, that’s it._

“Carlisle... I understand that bonds are out of our control but...”

_I know, and I was telling you the truth. I do love your mother very much, I don’t plan on going back on my vows._

“I guess that’s reassuring. Although, what if the bond keeps pulling you to her?”

 _I’ll do my best to stop it._ “I truly love Isabella.”

* * *

A couple of weeks after my return to work I was asked to attend a convention on ER practices that was going to be held in Seattle, so I packed for my three days there and drove off.

When I arrived to the hotel I saw some familiar faces that I recognized from other conventions, the lobby was filled with people from the medical field as a I made my way to check in before going back down and into the conference room for the opening and first conferences.

As the lunch break arrived, everyone started conversing with others to pass the time. I was checking some emails when a familiar face greeted me.

“Dr. Cullen, it’s been some time.” Said a man that had been my colleague when we resided in Ithaca a couple of year’s ago, he sat on a chair next to mine. “May I ask, what’s your secret , you look exactly the same.”

“Exercise, a good diet and low exposure to Sun, Dr. Harris.” I answered him with humor as I shook his hand. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Well, after you left and I started working more in the ER, I realized I liked it there, even with all the stress. I guess you are on the same path?”

“I am, I feel like I’m useful there, though I’ve been getting involve helping in other areas.”

“And how is your wife? I remember all the heartbreaks from the staff when they realized you were taken.” He said with a laugh.

“Isabella is great and beautiful as ever, I’ll tell her you send your regards.” I smiled as I thought about her.

“I’m glad. Anyway, I was looking for a colleague that came here with me, so I’ll leave you to your own. Have a nice day.”

“Thank you, I hope you do as well.” As he walked away I heard a dreaded voice called myname.

“Carlisle, if this isn’t destiny I don’t know what it is.” Ms. platt greeted me as she walked up to me.

“Hello Ms. Platt. I must say I’m surprised.”

“So am I, not many of us keep jobs. And please call me Esme. May I ask about your occupation?” She said as she occupied the chair Dr. Harris had vacated, too comfortable for the brief interactions we’d had.

“I’m a Doctor, I work on the ER.”

“Really? How come? With the blood, I mean.”

“Practice. I assume your line of business it’s in another field of medicine?”

“Yes, I do find the medical sciences interesting but I work as a representative for a lab. In fact I was sent here to show some new equipment that will hopefully be available in the next months.”

“Well, I’m exited to see developments that will help the patients.”

The more time I spend next to her, the warm and stretching of my chest increased and all I could focus was on her, I knew it was wrong and yet, as she kept talking I couldn’t walk away. As the lunch hour came to an end I found myself relaxed in her presence, leisurely talking about things we’ve found interesting from recent research papers, her laugh filled me with joy and I couldn’t help but be amazed at the sparks that shone in her eyes when she passionately discussed the topics we touched on.

“Well then, I must go, I’m the next speaker and everyone is already taking their seats. Will you be attending the next days?”

I nodded. “Good luck on your presentation.”

“Thank you, Carlisle, see you around.”

As she promised the next to days we spent some time talking, I must admit it was nice not to have to deny my nature at least for a moment and Esme was easy to talk to. Although at first she had shown an upbeat personality, she was also perfectly content just sitting and taking in everything around her.

When the last day came to an end and I was already checked out I walked to the parking lot and as I loaded my suitcase in the trunk of my car, Esme arrived at my side.

“Carlisle, I was hoping to catch you before you left.”

“Is there something you need?”

“Well, as you know, there are not many of us that are vegetarian, using the term your son used. So I was hoping we could keep in contact.” I’d be lying if I said the request took me by surprised, but she was right, vampires like us where few, consisting of only my family and our cousins in Denali, so I gave her my number.

The moment she was gone I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and saw Edward had texted me. _Alice saw you giving her your number_.

I sighed, not surprised before texting back. _She just needs someone to talk to, don’t worry_.

 _I hope you know what you’re doing_. He wrote, I didn’t answer.

* * *

The next weeks passed by and every other day I would have conversations via text with Esme, by the second week I realized I even look to hearing from her. We would talk about meaningless things and sometimes we would talk about ourselves. After I told her we had a permanent residence in Forks, she started considering on settling somewhere for longer than a couple of years, so we discussed the best kind of territories for that.

“Carlisle, I must say it’s strange to see you using your phone so much.” Said Isabella interrupting her reading one night we were both in my study. “Pray tell, what is this about?”

“Would you believe me if I said a friend?”

“You surprise me, honey, you’ve always refused to make close friendships with humans.”

“She’s not human, she’s like us, a vegetarian.”

“Oh my, really? I guess that’s nice and quite unexpected. Is she related to Tanya’s family?”

“No, she decided to try feeding only off of animals because her former lifestyle was detrimental to her mental health.”

“Like Jasper?”

“I don’t think so. Edward and I encountered her the day Alice took you and Rose shopping in Vancouver. Though I didn’t start talking to her until last time I went to Seattle, she was in the convention too.”

“How interesting. Do you think we should all meet her? However with the treaty maybe we should go to her, we wouldn’t want to worry the pack.”

“Maybe, right now she’s in New York.”

“Well then, I’ll leave you to your conversation.” She said with a kiss.


	5. And Then Everything Went Up in Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested songs:  
> -Devotion by Hurts feat. Kylie Minogue  
> -My Wild Sweet Love by First Aid Kit  
> -Funeral by Mon Laferte   
> -Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith

**Edward’s POV**

All I Knew about bonds was what Carlisle had heard from Marcus and what I’d seen in Rosalie and Emmett. I knew they were instinctual, there for, out of our control. For some reason a person would call to you and then everything around you would disappear. That’s what had happen with Carlisle and Esme in Vancouver, both of their minds seemed to scream as they got lost in each other, of course I could’t just let it happen, even if I already knew it would be futile I needed to try something for Bella had given _everything_ she had to Carlisle out of the love she felt for him and though it would’ve been easier to be mad at Carlisle for answering the bond’s pull, to hate him even, I just couldn’t.

He wasn’t lying when he said he loved Bella, of course he did but whatever thing the bond saw in him and Esme that made them perfect together was clouding his mind, more than not I’d caught Carlisle’s thoughts wandering to waves of caramel framing a heart shaped face with golden eyes and small plump lips. Then he would come out of his trance and feel guilt as he saw Bella smiling at him or worse, when her kisses took him by surprised.

The bond tugged at his heart for him to spend more time with the other person, and the more time both passed together, the stronger the bond would be until they had fallen in love, sealing the moment they gave each other to physical pleasure.

At first I could see Jasper was confused thanks to the emotions in Carlisle but as they settled, leaning into infatuation, my brother confused it with the love that our father had always shown our mother. The only one aside from me that could know something was Alice, but Carlisle hadn’t decided anything yet to trigger her visions; unlike what he had thought that day we returned home in Vancouver, the song Alice was singing had been completely at random.

Yet, I knew better. At first I tried tuning him out, but the force of his thoughts was too much, I couldn’t help but to be dragged back to the opposing thoughts of longing and peccability and as he started to fall for her, I started to hate her, as he saw her shining bright in his mind, I saw her rotting like a dead tree in my own.

As the days passed I realized that the strength and self-control that had always characterized Carlisle was clouding my own judgement of him, he was still a man, a man that was being pulled by his vampiric instincts, and although he had been strong enough to deny himself to human blood, maybe it wouldn’t be enough to refuse the calling of the bond.

The more he talked to her, even if only by text, the more he thought about her and it killed me, it hurt to see the way his thoughts would go back to her, to imagine with her what he had once imagined with Bella, to want with Esme what he already had with my mother.

**Carlisle’s POV**

As the days passed, Esme’s texts became more and more frequent, at first they were twice a week, then every other day, then daily; she would ask about my day and as I answered she would tell me about her own. In hindsight, I realize that at some point her friendly texts became more than that but as my judgement was impaired by the bond I felt a growing necessity to be with her, but at that moment my mind had tricked itself telling me we were only being friendly as my eyes read her words and my fingers typed my response. And what was the damage in that? I thought, for I talked about the same things with Tanya or Eleazar, albeit less regularly.

So with the pretense of friendship, I didn’t feel the guilt that had once overcome as my thoughts spent time on the memory of Esme before returning to Isabella. My reason had been clouded to the point I couldn’t ever sort my own thoughts out, I still felt a fire in me as a reflection of love and given that my feelings for my wife had never lessen I thought Isabella was the reason for the heat in my chest and as I found myself laying loving kisses on her like we had always done, I thought nothing of it, and seeing Isabella eager to respond to my touches as she had always been, I tried to put the issue to rest.

Yet, as the weeks passed by, I felt frustration, it appeared something was missing but there was no reason for that. Emotionally and physically I was fulfilled. But as time went on, that changed too for the exasperation inside me became more and more unbearable making me irritable, and fear and confusion filled me whenever I closed my eyes or when I let my thoughts wander, as I couldn’t help but see someone else’s face in my mind.

“Carlisle, do you wanna talk?” Isabella asked, one night walking to me as I sat on our bed.

“About what?”

“I don’t know, you just seem off, you have for the past week.” She kneeled in front of me, overwhelming me with the melted chocolate of her eyes, and for the first time in weeks I truly saw her, the woman I’d chosen so many years ago to be my companion, and felt regret.

“I… I just have a lot in my mind, that’s all.” I shook my head, inadvertently driving the clarity away as the fog of the bond came back with the feeling of longing for someone else who was not in front of me.

“Yeah, that’s what Edward told me. You’ve always told me everything, so I thought I’d ask.”

“It’s nothing really, don’t worry about it.” I said pulling her into a kiss which at first she hesitantly returned dissatisfied with my answer.

**Bella’s POV**

Carlisle’s lips crashed into mine with a strange mixture of nervousness and necessity. His hands pulled me to him, ripping my clothes as he laid me beneath him. Hungrily he went for my neck sucking on my skin and leaving traces of his venom as he moved from place to place. I accepted his touch as I moved my hands to undress him.

He seemed desperate, skipping the time he usually gave to my upper body as he went straight to my sex, parting my legs as he settled his head between my thighs, licking and sucking my little bundle of nerves as he pumped two of his fingers in and out of me, finally grabbing at my breasts with his free hand as I quickly came close to my first orgasm.

As I came down I felt his lips against mine once more, his tongue fighting my own for space in my mouth as he pulled down his briefs before driving his length inside of me, pinning my hands above my head as he furiously slammed his hips against mine. Grunting like an animal in desperation for his release at the same time that my moans filled the room as I reached my second peak and although our noises rang in my ears, it felt like an uncanny silence as I was missing his loving words.

It wasn’t the first time we had gotten rough with our sex life yet, this felt different, _he_ felt different; of course we had tried different things in bed as the years passed, but it didn’t matter what one of us was in the mood for, we would always showed our love for the other with soft caresses ad sweet comments between violent touches, caring for each other, giving ourselves to the other, both giving and taking.

But tonight it felt like he was selfishly stealing his pleasure from me, saying nothing as he moved me in search of his own orgasm, not slowing down as his release was now flowing inside of me. He pulled out and dropped beside me, closing his eyes for a moment before giving me a kiss on the lips, he got up and walked into the shower.

**Carlisle’s POV**

As I got out of the shower I saw Isabella still naked sitting on the side of the bed, turning to face me as I walked back to her, the desire in me igniting once more as I took in her bare body.

“What was that?” She asked half annoyed half startled, taking me by surprise.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” I asked genuinely concerned.

“Well… no, but, Carlisle I know that sometimes you like it rough but this was different, this was not you. I… I didn’t feel loved…” She explained unsure, her hurt pulling at my heart. _How could I’ve been so selfish with her,_ I chastised my self as the images of me taking her and then leaving her alone in bed moments before came to my mind.

“Isabella, I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I… please, forgive me.” I apologized taking her hands in my own, kissing them softly before pulling her into a hug and placing a kiss in her head. “Would you like a bath, my love?” She nodded, wrapping her arms around my waist.

I let go of her as I walked back into our bathroom to prepare the bathtub, letting it get filled as I put on her favorite playlist, feeling her arms snaking around me as she rested her head on my back.

“Would you like me to accompany you?” I felt her nod.

I turned around still in her arms, I took her face on my hands before nuzzling her nose and planting a soft kiss on her lips. “I’m truly sorry, Isabella. Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.” She said with a small smile before she giggled as I lifted her in my arms bridal style and took us to the warm water waiting for us.

As she rested against my chest and my hands stroke her body leisurely I felt myself falling into a calmed state disturbed only by a distant ache in my chest which I thought was due to my past attitude in bed.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my phone indicating I had new messages. “Maybe you should answer them.” Isabella said with a sigh. “If they keep insisting then it’s probably something important.”

“Are you sure?” She nodded, moving so I could get out.

As I saw the notifications, the distress inside of me dissipated when I saw Esme’s texts on my phone, easily getting lost in our conversation until my wife’s voice called me from the bathroom, making me feel a slight annoyance.

“Is everything al right? Are you needed in the hospital?”

“No, it’s nothing, don’t worry.” I said walking back to her and handing her a towel.

* * *

One Wednesday I got a message from Esme saying she was going to be in Seattle on the weekend and proposed we meet to go hunting together, remembering what I had told her of the way my family would make a game out of it. I accepted agreeing to meet that Friday after my shift was over.

As I was preparing to check out off of work, I decided to change into more casual clothes in my office—appropriated for running in the woods—as I gave my wife a quick call to let her know I would be coming home a little later than usual.

“Hi, love.” She answered after the first ring.

“Hello, I’m just calling to let you know I’ll be home a little later.”

“Ok, is everything all right?”

“Of course. I’ll see you later, Bella.”

“That’s weird.”

“What?”

“You always call me by my full name.”

“I guess I didn’t notice, well, I’ll see you soon Isabella.”

“Ok.” She laughed. “Love you.” She said as she ended the call.

As the called was finished I walked out of my office before getting into my car and driving to Port Angels where I was supposed to meet Esme. I found a place to park and walked to the more lonely areas of the little city, a fuzzy feeling expanding in my chest as the anticipation of seeing her grew.

When I arrived I saw she was already waiting for me, smiling as she saw me approaching causing a warm feeling in my chest and I couldn't help but return her smile. She was wearing athletic gear consisting of a warm pastel yellow ensemble of a light jacket and a pair of yoga pants that hugged her body perfectly. Her hair was up in a pony tail, showing the delicate lines of her neck down to a little under her clavicles.

I closed the distance between us and greeted her with a hug, inhaling the sweet aroma that irradiated from her, she smelled like roses and freshly cut grass, reminding me of springtime.

“It’s nice to see you again, Carlisle.”

“I feel the same. Shall we?” I asked signaling the start of the woods near us.

We sprinted towards the deepest part of the forest as I searched for a bear, remembering the fun Emmett always seemed to have with his favorite pastime. As I found not one, but two, we prepared to take on one beast each, laughing as our reflexes gave us the upper hand before finishing the job sinking our teeth into their necks.

Both being full, we laid in the ground looking at the stars, enjoying the sounds of our surrounding as we kept quiet. I tuned to look at her face illuminated by the moonlight, shining as she bathed in its rays. She now had her hair down thanks to the hairband snapping in the middle of our hunt, giving her an air of danger that pair with her usual classic beauty was enticing. Her eyes were closed, her eyelashes softly caressing her lovely cheeks as her perfect lips rested in a soft smile, which intensified the moment she caught me staring at her and yet, I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to.

In that moment nothing more existed, only her and I, and the only thing that mattered was the fire that was being ignited inside of me, flames that corresponded to the ones inside of her, pulling us together, I felt my heart stretching trying to reach the woman at my side, creating an overpowering sensation that I had never encounter before and I welcomed it, I needed it. In that moment Esme was the only thing that mattered and I imagined my future at her side. A perfect forever.

At some point I became aware of her hand touching mine as I felt sparks everywhere our skins where together. Her movement continued as her hand moved up my arm, advancing until she was over me. I accepted the touch, welcoming it with open arms as my own body moved to feel her. I caressed her bottom lip with my thumb before running my fingers through her hair and brushing my lips against hers, she pushed to intensify the kiss, lightly pressing her tongue on my lips leaving her taste on me. I parted them starting a dance between our mouths while our hands started exploring each other.

She pulled on my shirt taking it off and throwing it to the side, immediately pressing kisses along my neck and chest, bitting softly and tasting my now exposed skin as she left traces of her venom on me. I drag the zipper of her jacket down to find her chest completely exposed to me, denoting she had known what would happen today and causing a growl to come out of my chest before I cupped her breasts on my hands, rejoicing on the sound of her needy moans.

Her teeth tugged on my lower lip as her hands rubbed my groin hardening with desire previously to returning to my jaw for a moment before making a trail all the way down to my navel, covering me with her saliva as she went down. She pulled on the waistband of my pants takingthem off enough so that she could take my length in her mouth.

At some point we rolled over, and as I hovered over her while she rested on her elbows, she took the opportunity to push my pants off down the rest of my legs, before grabbing my erection on her hand and stroking it. I pull off her leggings leaving her naked below me, I traced her curves with my lips ending between her legs, tasting her with one long lick as I savored her arousal.

I pushed her back down by the shoulders and as I took the image of her in front of me with her hair around her face extended over the grass as the moonlight illuminated her, the bit of lucidity I still had brought a memory from years ago that had been buried by the thoughts of Esme that plagued my mind. In those mere milliseconds I was back in Oxford and the girl I was with was human, in that moment I didn’t see Esme, I saw Isabella.

I stopped, jumping away from her and pushing the fog that had clouded my mind for so long that I had been completely fine hurting the woman that had loved me for so long now. The pull of the bond was still calling my name but I couldn’t, I couldn’t accept it. And at that moment I felt the stretching stop leaving as proof of its existence a weak ache in my chest. Something shattered between us and for the first time in weeks I saw clearly what I had done, every conversation I exchanged with someone who wasn’t my wife, every lie I’d told consciously and unconsciously, every single time I had hurt Isabella with her non the wiser.

I redressed myself and ran, getting into my car and pushing on the gas as far as it could go, breaking my phone with my hand as I saw Esme’s name on the screen. Feeling all the guilt consume me, welcoming it as it was what I deserved, and even then, it wasn’t enough punishment for what I had done.

I got home to only Jasper, Edward and my wife in the house. Running up the stairs straight to our room I found her reading while laying on our bed, surprise painted her face as I grabbed her in my arms and furiously pressed my lips to her.

“Carlisle, what’s going on?” She said pushing enough to see my face with worry in her voice. “Are you all right, dear?”

As I entered the room and saw her sitting in bed I noticed the differences in between Esme and her. Esme had always seemed perfect, carrying the vampiric nature on her sleeves, even when her hairband broke while hunting her hair acted like it was being blown by an invisible fan, and as she laid beneath me on the ground loosing herself in the act, she looked pristine. Bella on the other hand wasn’t, her hair had always been quite savage, even after there transformation she still had loose strands of hair out of place softly caressing her face with the help of the wind, she still had the quirks I’d loved so much when she was human, she was still a shy girl in front of strangers, she still bit her lip when something was bothering her and if she could, she would still be blushing every time I kissed her.

After all these years Bella was—in a way—still human, and I loved her for that, she wasn’t artificially perfect like the rest of us but I didn’t want perfect, I didn’t _need_ perfect, I just needed my wife, the girl I had fallen for so many decades ago, the one I had promised to love for the rest of eternity as long as she wanted me. The one I had damned to a soulless existence with a promise of my love unworthy of her because I was too selfish to let her go. The girl that had accepted me, a monster when she was an angel. 

As I remembered the day I asked her to be mine I couldn’t help but wish for all that all over again, but as I had my lips pressed to her, looking into her eyes, I knew it was too late, I’d lost all chances of salvation the moment I had hurt my angel as I broke all the bows I’d made 180 yeas ago.

“Bella, I…” Then, realization was reflected on her eyes as her tongue registered the taste in my mouth and her nose caught the scent coming from me.


	6. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested songs:  
> -You Ruin Me by The Veronicas  
> -All Too Well and Betty by Taylor Swift  
> -When It Rains by Paramore  
> -Supercut by Lorde

**Bella’s POV**

“Bella, I…” My mind barely registered his voice as I realized what a lingering taste on his lips was. I took in his smell, there was the usual aroma of the hospital and the leather of his carseats but then it hit me, a sweet smell of roses and grass mixed with the all too familiar smell of his arousal and it felt like all my force had been taken away from me as I was pushed down an infinite cliff, as if every single part of my body and soul shattered into a million tiny pieces.

I could hear his voice in the distance but I couldn’t figure out what he was saying, all I could think about was the smell of someone else on him, of the way his clothes showed me he had been lying down in the grass, or the venom of another woman on his lips. I had always thought that the days I spent burning before waking into my second life had been the worst pain someone could experience but here, as I felt the breaking of my heart, I would welcome the blazing venom with open arms instead of what was happening with me at this moment.

“What did you say?” I heard myself say. “What did you just called me?”

“Bella?”

“You’ve always called me by my full name…” I said with a humorless laugh, remembering his last phone call. Noticing my brain was trying to focus in the little things, in anything else but the pain that was tearing my body apart.

“I… I’m sorry…” It was all he could manage.

And with those words it was as if his hand had ripped my heart from my chest, crushing it before my eyes before throwing the remains to the ground.

My vision of Carlisle was obstructed my something and I realized I was now on the ground, with Jasper crouched in front of me in an almost feral state. I felt a couple of hands grabbing me, pulling me up, I turned around and saw another of my sons, Edward, calling my name but I couldn’t answer, I was still bleeding, couldn’t they see? I still had the knife on my chest. I was still falling into a dark and cold abyss.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t, this damned body prohibited it. I felt like I was dying and yet this body was in perfect condition. Somewhere inside of me the warm light that burned with the same brightness since the day Carlisle had made me his for the first time was dying down, consuming me with it’s demise, and everything I’d ever known was shattering before my very eyes, with me not being able to do anything about it, and just like that I lost everything I thought I’d gain all those years ago, once more I was the little human girl scared and lost in a wet night running through the streets of London.

**Jasper’s POV**

I felt Carlisle’s turmoil of emotions before he even stoped the car, confused I looked to Edward who was on the other couch as we both were watching TV. He looked pained but didn’t say anything, causing my instincts to go on high alert.

Carlisle ran up the stairs to his room where Bella was reading. The violent mix of emotions didn’t let me concentrate on the words they exchanged but then I felt it, a pain so great that took the air out of me. I felt my mother suffering and instinctively I ran to her side before processing anything that was happening for all I could think of was shielding her.

I jumped between Carlisle and Bella, crouching in front of her protectively, she was kneeled on the grown, unmoving and with her eyes wide open and empty, devoid of all light or emotion. Edward arrived right after me kneeling at our mother’s side, calling her name but she didn’t answer, she didn’t even acknowledged our presence.

“Jasper.” Edward called clearing my reason. I saw him grabbing Bella and forcing her up. Though not necessary, I went to her side and helped Edward drag her to bed. I stayed with her trying to figure out what had happened, the pain she was in, attempting to ease her ache but it was useless, no matter how much I force her body to release serotonin, she would respond to my stimulus, like she was truly dead.

“Bella.” I tried to get her attention as uselessly as my brother had moments before. “MOM!” I screamed at her, shaking her by the shoulders, and though her body moved, she didn’t answer. “Edward! What’s going on?!” I said unable to calm myself.

“Carlisle,” my brother continued now walking to him. “Maybe you should leave.”

“I’m sorry… I… Isabella…” He said taking a step in her direction. “My love…”

With that, Bella came out of her trance and I felt fury igniting in her, she jumped out my grasp and throwing herself straight into Carlisle, slamming her fist in his face, breaking the window as he was pushed by her force. Her eyes where the darkest black I’ve ever seen and her anger and force put a newborn to shame. She growled freezing both Edward and I for a moment where we stood. She jumped through the broken window and a pained scream ripped through her as she ran once more at Carlisle.

After the shock wore off, Edward and I followed her, my own anger boiling as I took in hers. As we got near them I saw Bella punching Carlisle once more, throwing him through the woods, breaking trees as he slammed into them, not making an attempt to stand up when he finally hit the ground, waiting for her to throw her next punch, actions that were repeated a couple more times until I felt her anger goin down and being replace by sorrow as she dropped into the ground again, screeching into the air as a replacement for the tears that would never fall.

I felt the need to go back to her, her misery pulling me to her feeling the need in me to make her happy again; but as I took one step forward, Edward put a hand on my shoulder telling me to stop.

She wrapped her arms around herself, her wailing replaced by shallow and uneven breaths she didn’t have the need for. She dug her own nails into her skin, shutting her eyes as if she was afraid of falling to pieces.

“Isabella…” Carlisle said giving slow steps in her direction. His clothes ruined by the forceful contact with the trees. “Isabella.” He said once more now near enough to her that he could touch her. He tried cupping her cheek with one of his hands but she just shook him off, growling at him like a feral creature showing her teeth, still not letting go of herself.

He dropped his arms to his sides as she rocked herself back and forth, whimpering while Carlisle too fell to his knees. As my mother’s emotions retreated a bit I could finally feel Carlisle’s and found pain and a madding guilt in him, yet I still didn’t know what was happening for Edward was just as silent as before. Knowing my brother wouldn’t say a thing, at least not for the time being, I pushed further into Carlisle, shredding emotion after emotion looking for something else to give me a clue, and when I thought there was nothing left, when I could feel all of him as raw as it got, my gift stroked a lingering ache, so dull now that it was almost imperceptible: a broken bond.

I turned to face Edward again, who looked troubled and ashamed by the situation, he looked at me and just nodded after seeing in my mind what I had found deep in our father, everything else quite obvious after that. 

“But… they…” How could I put into words what I knew about them, about the way they’d always felt for each other, the purity of their care for each other, the strength of their relationship, the way their love would always feel evergreen to me, how happy I had been being in the same room as them for the force of their love would be so contagious it would be passed onto me and by proxy, all of my siblings.

And now, in front of me, in front of all of us, thanks to a damned spark of magic, all that happiness had turned sour just like that, breaking the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt. I knew all of us would give anything up for Bella and Carlisle, who showed us a way to be better, to be happy, they had become our parents in the meantime and yet, here we stood Edward and I, unable to do anything, watching from the sidelines as everything fell apart, hearing Emmett, Rosalie and Alice quickly approaching. 

**Edward’s POV**

I saw flashes of different images in Carlisle’s mind, I saw him with Esme and how he had acted by the impulse of the bond, then I saw his memories with Bella, the moment he realized what he was doing, the way he felt the Earth shattering below him as he set fire to everything he had.

Part of me was relived that he hadn’t stablished the bond and yet, as I saw Bella in front of me, broken in the ground, not even needing to see what Jasper was feeling from her, I thought it didn’t matter, it was too late.

 _No, no, no this can’t be, how did this happened?!_ I listened lo Alice’s mind as she ran to us with Emmett and Rosalie behind her, both confused.

“Jasper.” I called to him as he was being overwhelmed by the misery around us as he saw both Bella and Carlisle falling apart in front of us. He looked at me and followed as I ran to meet our three siblings.

_Edward, I don’t know how this happened! I never saw this!_

“What do you mean?” I asked knowing she would be able to hear me.

 _I saw Carlisle and Esme meeting but that’s it, it was like the bond was making him take last minute decisions, I didn’t see… after they hunted… I didn’t see…_ Frantically she tried to explain. _But they didn’t stablished the bond, he stopped._

“What’s going on?!” asked Rosalie exasperated as we reached them. I looked at both Jasper and Alice, sighing before explaining.

“In Vancouver… Carlisle and I met another one like us, Esme, and when they saw each other…”

“A bond was formed.” Finished Jasper, finally having information on the situation.

“WHAT?!” Yelled Emmett and Rosalie only cover her mouth with her hands, like she was trying to stop a scream, only to show the horror she felt through her eyes. “Are you fucking serious?! How? I mean, they are…”

“No.” answered Jasper. “They weren’t bonded, not in the sense you and Rose are or Alice and I. Their relationship was formed naturally.”

“So are you telling me they didn’t loved each other?” Pushed Emmett.

“They did, truly, they did. Completely devoted to the other but… Something in Carlisle’s instincts told him that that woman was the perfect match for him so… the bond was formed…”

“Did… did he stablished the bond?” Asked Rosalie with fear and pain in her voice.

“No, he stopped.” Intervened Alice.

“That’s why it felt broken…” Jasper added more to himself than to us, as he finally understood what he had felt. “But… How did he stopped? I mean if he was answering the call of a bond, what made him stop?

“Bella.” I simply said. “He remembered the first night they shared together, when she was still human. He couldn’t continue. I don’t know anything else.” I added because truthfully I didn’t know, none of us knew much about bonds, except of what it was and what it took to establish.

“Well that’s good isn’t it?!” Asked Emmett, but neither Jasper nor I didn’t answer, how could we, how could we explain the way our mother was being broken by the pain or how terrified we felt, not being able to do anything about it, not knowing if she was going to be fine. “For fucks sake, Edward! Say something!” Em continued with his hands in tight fists.

“Bella knows…” Said Rosalie sounding more like a statement than a question. I nodded.

We stood in silence, non of us knowing what to say. Alice was forcing her gift trying to see the possible outcomes, but nothing she scanned through was solid enough, for no one had made a decision yet.

“Alice, stop.” I told her. “This isn’t your fault.”

 _But mom… and dad…_ She thought sobbing as if she could cry. Clearly distressed, Jasper forced her to relax, there was no use in thinking about the future at the moment.

“Don’t.” I said to Rosalie who was thinking of running to Bella. “I truly think it’s best if none of us go, not yet.” Rosalie was furious, she herself wanted to rip Carlisle apart and yet, this was the first time she doubted her strength as she wasn’t sure she could face what Jasper and I had left behind; but as we settled in an anxious silence, we heard the tell-tale sound of stones being ripped apart.

**Carlisle’s POV**

I felt the grass beneath my hands as my knees touched the ground, my eyes fixed on the broken image of Isabella in front of me as she held herself together, moving like a rocking chair letting the pain take a hold on her. For a long time I had thought that letting myself love her, making her one like me had been the worst sin I could’ve committed and yet, when I saw her crying in paying, breaking in front of me due to my weakness, the one that had made me accept the touches of another woman, crave them, reciprocate them, I knew then and there that a new circle of hell had opened just for me for the blasphemy of hurting the most beautiful creature in all of creation.

I should have gone away, knowing what she was goin through because of me, I should’ve done her a favor and ask for my death in Italy but the selfish monster that had taken everything from her still wasn’t satisfied, it wanted more, _I_ wanted more. I wanted her back, after all I’d done to her I still thought I could have her affection, but how could I ask her to be mine again when I wasn’t able to give the same to her. So I just stayed there, looking at her, suffering because of me and unable to do anything about it.

Finally, when I was able to move again I slowly closed the distance between us as I once more called for her. “Isabella, please…” but what could I say? What apology was worthy of her forgiveness?

I moved my hands to her, trying to cup her face in my hands, resisting her movements to push me away. I pressed my forehead to hers as she kept sobbing dryly. “Please, forgive me. Please…” I felt her getting more agitated as the seconds passed and this time I stopped her punch grabbing her wrist. I knew I deserved it, I deserved much more than this and if in the future this was the only kind of contact she could have with me, so be it; but at that moment I needed her to know I still loved her, that I still needed her so I wrapped my arms around her and hid my face in her neck as she trashed in my embrace trying to get rid of me.

“I love you, Isabella, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” But I couldn’t keep my arms around her for much more longer as her force overpowered mine and before I could process her movement I felt her teeth closing on the skin on my neck, piercing it as her hands gripped my arms and ripped them off.

I tumbled to the ground and saw Isabella on her feet looking down at me. Her eyes took in the sight before her and when her mind processed her actions her fury was replaced by pain and regret as her hands covered the horrified expression in her face. But why did she feel regret? I didn’t want her to feel that way, because this was what I deserved, I would’ve welcomed a flame if that was enough to make Isabella stop hurting, yet, death would’ve been too easy, not a punishment but a blessing.

She whimpered as she knelt besides me, trying to put me back together, her eyes frantic and her hands trembling in desperation unable to do the work. “Isabella, my love…” I said in a useless attempt to comfort her. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t register my words as she kept trying to reattach my limbs.

As my eyes focused on my wife I was barely aware of Edward running to me with Jasper in tow before the rest of our children came into view. As the first one took my pieces from Isabella and reattached them to me, Jasper took his mother in his arms trying to calm her down but now, even his gift was not strong enough.

I saw Isabella trying to reach me. And though the guilt and shame were all consuming, I couldn't deny how happy that vision made me! Oh, for I saw, even if only for a brief moment, a small glimpse of the love she had felt for me.

**3rd Person POV**

Jasper kept a tight hold on Bella as she tried to return to Carlisle’s side, refusing the calm that was being forced on her by her son as she saw her husband’s eyes closed. Her logical side told her he wasn’t dead, his body was just concentrating on reattaching all his pieces, the pieces she broke off. But at that moment, logic was the smaller voice in her head, for the tempest of emotions was silencing it.

She couldn’t take it, so she broke loose of Jasper’s hold running away through the woods.

“Rosalie! Emmett!” Edward yelled, indicating them to run after their mother. They nodded and sprinted in her direction. In the blink of an eye, Alice was next to Jasper who now was helping Edward putting Carlisle back together.

“It’s OK Jaz, we got it, go help Rose and Emmett.” The empath nodded before running to join his siblings.

Bella was the slowest runner of the family so Rosalie and Emmett didn’t have to worry to keep up with her speed, but she was agile and Bella tried to use that to loose them, yet as her senses were clouded with the commotion that had occurred, her reflexes failed her, as Emmett jumped from the side and took her down with him, holding her and preventing her scape. Rosalie and Jasper were quick to join them.

“Mom.” Said Rosalie cupping Bellas face, forcing her to look at her. “Mom, please, stop, let us help you.” She said continuously as Jasper once more tried to calm her down with his gift, this time she relented and let the serene sensation wash over her, going limp in Emmett’s hold that was quickly replaced by Rosalie’s arms.

Both boys watched as Rose held her mother the way Bella had done for her so many timesbefore as her first daughter got rid of her burdens and pain, slowly healing. Once more, Bella cried tearless cries as both girls sank into the grass beneath them, with her face hidden in Rose’s neck, Bella snaked her arms around her daughter’s waist, sharing her sorrow.

Emmett and Jasper stood feet away, feeling useless as the just stared at both women and though they both wanted to help, when Emmett tried giving a step closer, his brother stoped him, waiting silently until Bella calmed down.

After some time passed and Bella just seemed to rest against Rosalie, the daughter pulled away to look at her mother. “What do you need mom? Please tell us so we can help you.” Bella kept quiet with her eyes unfocused, unable to find her voice. “Do you need to go away?” Rose asked to which Bella just nodded. “Ok, we can do that. Do you want me to come with you?” Her mother nodded again. “Is it all right if we go back to the house for a moment to grab some things?” Bella hesitated for a moment before nodding for the third time.

With that Rose raised taking Bella with her and carrying her on her back as the three sibling sprinted back to the house.

Once they got back they heard Alice and Edward with Carlisle in the room he shared with Bella, so instead of entering the house, Rose took her mother to the garage and sat her in the back seat of the Jeep. After asking Jasper to stay with her, Rosalie went into the house with Emmett behind her, separating once they reached the bedrooms. As Emmett went to pack some things for him and Rosalie as well as Jasper, Rosalie stood outside their parents room for a moment, trying to keep herself focus on the task at hand. With a dubious hand, she opened the door and walked inside straight to the closet where she found Bella’s suitcase which she started to fill with some belongings she might need or want.

She quickly went through her mothers things that dated all the way back to her human years. Bella knew she couldn’t keep everything she’d ever own but she liked to hold on to meaningful pieces, even the ones she could no longer use without people looking at her weird. That’s why in the back of her closet sat dresses more than a 100 years old, including a lilac dress with white flowers, a blue gown and a white one with a veil.

Rose’s thoughts drifted to her father, of course she was pissed at Carlisle, more than that, she was furious at what had happened but the moment she saw the man sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, now reattached thanks to Edward and Alice, her determination faltered. She hurt for her mother, for the pain that Carlisle had caused his wife, but he was also Rosalie’s father and she did loved him as such, just as he loved all his children. Part of her wanted to comfort the broken man in front of her but at the same time she couldn’t even look at him.

“Rose…” Carlisle’s voice resonated in the silence of the house, freezing her on the spot. “Rose, please, how’s Isabella? Please tell me she’s all right.” But she couldn’t, Rosalie couldn’t tell her father Bella was fine because she wasn’t, right now Bella was in the back seat of her car as a carcass of her former self, staring blankly at nothing even with Jasper trying to ease her pain, she was dead inside. So Rosalie did the best she could and remained silent, trying to ignore her pleading father as she stole one minuscule glance at him.

And in that moment she saw the guilt in his eyes, eating him from the inside out and there was a little voice inside of her that excused his actions blaming them on the irrationality caused by the bond, she wanted to believe he could redeemed himself for he hadn’t finished establishing it and now it was gone, but the damage was done, her mother was now in the backseat of the jeep hanging on to consciousness by a thread, empty and shattered, just like Rose had been after the fire of the transformation subsided and her mind kept bringing up her last night as a human; and at that moment, Bella had been there for her, keeping her together until Rosalie was able to do it herself.

So she looked away, focusing on finishing packing, clenching her jaw as she didn’t want to tell Carlisle to fuck himself for what he had done, or to tell him the deplorable state of Bella at the moment, or how sorry she felt for him, how she wished he could fix everything, how she longed for both her parent to be happy together again, how she wanted to help him to. But all those words were left on her throat as Bella was her first priority.

 _Emmett and I are taking mom away. Jasper is coming with us for a while, he wants to be with Bella._ She told Edward through her thoughts with her eyes overly fixed on the open door as she had started to walk away after closing the suitcase, waiting for Edwards response.

“Where are you going?”

 _I don’t know, we’ll make plans as we go._ Edward nodded making Rosalie restart her walking but she hesitated as her thoughts went back to Carlisle.

“Alice and I will stay with him.” This time Rose nodded and walked away to join the others in the car.

“Rose.” Called Carlisle’s voice again in a desperate tone as she reached the stairs. “I love her.”

Emmett was waiting for Rosalie halfway down and when she arrived at his side, she felt him put something small and metallic in her hand and as she opened her palm she saw Bella’s wedding ring.

“She took it off and gave it to me when I went to put our things in the car.” Rose nodded with pain ripping through her for both Bella and Carlisle as she knew what this meant.

She handed Emmett their mother’s bag and with steps as sure as she could manage in that moment she walked toward her father’s office holding tightly the ring in her hand as she got near his desk, admiring the delicate piece of jewelry one last time before depositing it on the table. With a quiet and dry sob no one but her was aware of, she turned around rapidly leaving behind Carlisle’s space, composing herself as she went to the garage. 

As Rosalie reached the Jeep she tried focusing on doing anything she could to make Bella feel better and right now step one was driving away. After putting the bags in the trunk, Rosalie got into the drivers seat and sped away into the night.


	7. The Months

October

* * *

November

* * *

December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play Possibility.


	8. In The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested Songs:  
> -Fine China by Lana del Rey   
> -I’m Fine by Hazel English  
> -Should’ve Said No by Taylor Swift  
> -Don’t let me be misunderstood by Nina Simone   
> -Fireworks by First Aid Kit

**3rd Person POV**

Bella was standing, looking out the window, playing with the non existent band in her left ring finger. She started doing that when something was bothering her almost immediately after Carlisle had given her the ring, for touching the tiny piece had been reassuring as it symbolized the love he had promised her. Now, she did it unconsciously out of habit feeling a small sting in her chest every time her fingers glazed over the empty space where Carlisle’s promises used to lie. 

The first days her digits would reach for her ring, she panicked when it wasn’t there until she remembered she had taken it off, after 180 years Bella’s finger was bare. She was so used to the metal band that she viewed it as part of herself, giving her finger an uncanny feeling of otherness now that the ring wasn’t there.

The sound of the main door opening dragged Bella out of her thoughts, making her drop her hands to her sides, pretending to forget about the ring.

“Hey mom” said Emmett as he crossed the entrance shaking the snow off of him with Rosalie close behind him.

The last weeks Bella had done progress, after being in a catatonic state for almost 3 months, only nodding or shaking her head, she started whispering her words when her kids asked her something, and lately she would even come out of her room on her own to greet them.

During those months Bella didn’t even leave her room to hunt, she would depend on Rose, Emmett or Jasper to bring her a knocked out animal for her to drink from when the kids saw her eyes getting too dark; even then a couple of times the animal had died untouched and full of blood.

They were now living outside a small town in the north of Quebec, in a cottage Emmett and Rose had built from the ground up as a little project sometime in the 70s. Though they barely used it, they liked to keep it nice and up to date, meaning that a couple of years ago they had installed solar panels, something that now came in handy as they wouldn’t need to worry about electrical bills cause though the Cullens had enough money, neither Rosalie nor Emmett wanted to touch what they view as their father’s money. Therefore, Rosalie had decided to get a job as a mechanic while Emmett stayed with Bella.

As Bella had slowly started to come our of her shell, settling in a neutral state, Jasper had decided to go back to Forks, missing Alice after months apart. Bella understood and even sent Edward and Alice her greetings wishing they could visit her sometime soon.

That time came sooner than she had hoped for as a couple of days after Jasper had called to let them know he had arrived to the Olympic Peninsula, Emmett felt Edward as he was getting close to the door, opening it before he had a chance to knock. Edward said a rapid hello to his brother before running to her mother’s side, covering her with his arms as she settled her head on his shoulder. Edward had always been an introvert and with Bella in the state she was, the pair just enjoyed each other’s company in silence.

After Rosalie returned that day, the fourth of them decided to go hunting, it being the first time since they arrived to Quebec that Bella actually _hunted_. When Rose and Emmett saw her mother leave the house, they were relieved to see that she was starting to slowly come out of her shocked state and as the couple’s thought arrived to Edward’s mind, he too felt relieved.

He hated being away from his mother for so long, especially given the circumstances, but he knew Rosalie would never had accepted to leave Bella’s side and therefore, neither would Emmett; besides, Rose was good for their mother. He also couldn’t deny that Carlisle needed someone too and as deplorable as what he had done was, Edward still saw him as his father and cared for him the same.

As they satiated their thirst, Rosalie and Emmett decided to head back home while Edward and Bella stayed looking at the stars. Edward remembered the time when he was a newborn, Bella had found him in the woods near their residence at the time on a night when his temper had gotten the best of him. He had run to the forest afraid his anger would lead him to respond to his yet uncontrolled bloodlust and Bella had gone in search of him after assuring Carlisle nothing would happen to her by the hand of their new son.

Bella had helped Edward calm down offering him her physical company without the voices of her mind, giving him the mental space he much needed; he remember her laying in the middle of a clearing enjoying the stars, saying nothing, waiting for him until he too sat in the ground and gazed the stars, enjoying the silent peace together.

And here they were again, after a hundred years once more being covered by the sparkling sky in silence.

“How have you been?” Bella asked taking Edward by surprise.

“I’m fine.”

“Where are you attending college this time?”

“I... Alice, Jasper and I decided to take a break, we won’t be going back to school for a little while.” Bella just nodded.

“How about Alice, how is she?”

“She’s... still Alice, the faith in her visions keep her optimistic, she’s better now that Jasper is back with her.” He chose his words carefully knowing his sister wasn’t fine; of course she was using her visions as a way of being positive but that was only because she was trying to see what she wanted, she kept searching of ways to fix what had happened because she still felt guilty, everyday she lamented herself with the same thoughts in her mind. _Maybe if I had looked harder, if I had kept a closer watch on him_. But why would she? Why would she keep looking into Carlisle and Bella’s future when there was never a reason to worry about it?

Added to her guilt was the insecurity that had taken root inside of her as the bond made Carlisle act on impulse, making him invisible to Alice’s gift. Now she was afraid of being wrong or not being able to see things at all. All in all, Alice wasn’t fine, she was filled with remorse and unable to trust herself.

“I miss her, it’s strange to have so much silence in the house.” Bella said remembering the positive mood Alice was always spreading.

Edward gave a weak laugh at his mother’s remark, keeping quiet as he felt Bella turned a bit uncomfortable before breaking the silence once more.

“How’s C...” Bella tried but she couldn’t bring herself to say his name. “How’s your father?” She finally managed.

“He’s hanging on. He quit his job… How about you? Jasper said he noticed you were feeling a bit better in the last weeks.” Another little lie came out of Edward’s lips because never did Jasper said Bella was better.

In fact, as Edward remembered the conversation they had had when the blond boy arrived to Forks, what Jasper had said was that Bella was feeling _again._ For the past 3 months after she ripped Carlisle to pieces, their mother had entered a catatonic state where she was completely void of emotions. At first Jasper thought that her shield had intensified successfully blocking his power as no mattered how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to reach her feelings.

Rose on the other hand thought It was something else because—although for a different reason—she once had been this broken, a state so damaged that she just couldn’t feel anything; this was Bella now, she just couldn’t function, her wounds were so deep that her body and mind couldn’t register anything around her.

“I’ll be ok.”

Nothing more was said.

**Rosalie’s POV**

“How long will you be staying?” Emmett asked Edward as the three of us sat on some rocks a couple of meters away from the house.

“I don’t have a time set, though in this cabin, it’ll be uncomfortable to stay the four of us together, I might look for something in town, I’d like to visit more often. Are you planing on staying here for a while?”

“I think so.”

“It’s not like we can buy a house with what I make” I said, not angry but stating the truth.

“We have a lot of houses, Rose, you could’ve picked whichever.” Said Edward.

“No, _Carlisle_ has a lot of houses.”

“Mom has some too.” Emmett said shrugging as if they were an option.

“That Carlisle gifted her! It’s the same thing!” I closed my eyes trying to calm down. “Anyways, we’re not moving, we’ll stay here for a while, though I don’t know for how old will I be able to pass, so depending on that we’ll see what we’ll do.”

“Maybe we can go to Tanya’s after this.” Offered Emmett.

“I don’t know, we’ll have to explain everything and that’s something Bella or Carlisle will have to do, not us. As I said, we’ll see.”

“Well, in the meantime, I’m gonna go look for a job, I heard they were looking for a new lumberjack around town. I’m just gonna say goodbye to mom before leaving.” Emmett explained before taking off leaving me alone with Edward who waited some time before speaking again.

“Carlisle was thinking on looking for Bella, he wants to talk to her.” He said whispering low enough only for me to hear.

“Did you tell him where we were?”

“No, I saw it in Jasper’s mind and I don’t think he’ll say anything.” I nodded.

_How is he?_

“I didn’t think you’d care.” Edward said surprised causing me to roll my eyes.

“Of course I care, he’s my father.”

“He’s... the same as when you left. To be truly honest, his guilt and self loathing have been unbearable for me and now that he’s back in Forks, for Jasper too.”

“Does... does he still love her? Bella, I mean.”

“Yes.” Edward sighed. “Very much. That’s what makes this so difficult. If he didn’t it would’ve been painful but it would’ve been a clean break.”

“What about the other woman?”

“What about her?”

I hesitated before explaining myself, fearing the answer. “Does he love her?”

“No, quite the opposite actually.” A small wave of relief washed over me as Edward explained. “I don’t think he ever really loved her, the bond just made him believe he did.”

I hugged my legs and rested my chin on my knees as I took in what Edward had said, both sitting in silence for a while.

“You know,” He said. “I think that now I understand why you hate it so much. What we are. I mean, I’ve always loathed it for it means a soulless existence but I never really got your point, now I do. You’ve always said that you hate not having options but I never really thought about that, but when I saw how little everything that Carlisle and Bella have had the moment the bond was formed with Esme, I understood; he lacked opportunities because his instincts were forcing him to accept the bond, even if that meant hurting the woman he loved.”

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” He nodded in agreement.

“Do you blame him?”

I shook my head. “I know what it feels, how strong the pull of a bond can be. I can’t blame him because if it had been me, I don’t think I could’ve acted differently.”

Silence felt upon us before he interrupted it once more. “Would you like me to stay here or go with you?”

“What?”

“You were thinking of visiting Carlisle.”

I sighed. _Damned mindreader_ I thought bringing a chuckle out of him. “You should stay.” I said as I got up followed by him before we both went back to the house.

I entered Bella’s room where she was sitting in an armchair, an open book sat forgotten in her lap as she unconsciously traced the empty space left by the absent ring with her right fingers. I walked to her taking her out of her trance and saw her eyes focusing once more as she looked at me.

“Hi, love.” She greeted me as she unsuccessfully tried giving me a small smile.

“Hi, mom. How are you feeling today?”

“Better.” She had never been a good liar.

“That’s good.” I paused thinking on how to proceed. “So Edward wants to spend some time with you and I thought it would be for the better if I head out for a couple of days because it’ll be a little crowded in here, unless you want me to stay.”

“It’s ok honey, I know that sometimes you and your brother don’t see eye to eye. I appreciate it.” I nodded before giving her a hug.

“Well then, I’m gonna go, Emmett will stay here when he returns.”

“I don’t mind if he want to be with you.”

“It’s ok, I think he wants to spend some time with his brother.”

“Of course. Take care, Rose.”

“You too, mom.” I said with a hug she didn’t return.

As I went out of her room I saw Edward handing me a paper with a note in it. _I already booked a flight for you, I’ll send you your boarding pass to your phone, don’t forget your passport._

“Take my car” He added.

 _Thanks_. I thought.

Quickly I went to my room to get my purse that sat on my vanity next to the now forgotten Emmet’s wrist cuff and the necklace I used to wear with the Cullen’s family crest.

As the plane landed at Sea-Tac I was still thinking on what I would say, hoping that Alice had seen me come and leave me alone with Carlisle, and just as I thought that, my phone rang notifying me of a new message. _Don’t worry, we’ll leave as soon as you enter Forks_. Was her text as I walked to the car rental to pick whatever car was the fastest.

Part of me wanted to take my time, driving according to the speed limits because I was still trying to figure out what I would say but if in the 7 hours of the flight from Montreal to Seattle I hadn’t been able to come up with a way to start the conversation, then I wouldn’t come up with something in the couple of hours that would take me to reach our house in Fork, so I ended driving with our usual speed.

I stopped the car the moment I reached the driveway, true to her word, Alice and Jasper had left for the time being, leaving only one person I could sense in the house as I went up the stairs to the front door of the house.

It was open, as it had always been because its not like we needed worry about security issues; but now this characteristic felt weirdly reassuring, as if inviting me in, so I crossed the entrance inhaling and exhaling before reaching the stairs trying to brace myself for whatever I would encounter next.

As the last time I was here, I stoped before the semi closed door of what had been Carlisle and Bella’s room with nerves crawling inside of me, making their nest in my throat as I found myself with a knot holding back my voice as my father spoke.

“Rose?” Carlisle asked sensing my presence.

I took another deep and unnecessary breath and walked in. Edward was wrong, he lookedworse that the last time I had seen him, even more miserable that when we left. He was again sitting in the bed frantically cradling the blue dress I had seen in Bella’s closet.

Just like hers, Carlisle’s eyes weren’t focused on anything and he looked even paler that he usually did. His hair and clothes were a mess and his dark irises denoted his lack of feeding. All in all, he looked worse that Bella, the difference being that while she had been empty and unresponsive for the last months, he had been filled with remorse, letting it consume him little by little everyday, slowly driving him to this state.

Asking him how had he been in the last months would’ve been idiotic given that the answer was right in front of me, so I just talked about the first things that came to my mind.

“What’s with that dress?” I finally asked for he had never been sentimental about those kinds of things.

His hold in the fabric got tighter as he curled into himself a little before answering. “It’s the dress Isabella was wearing when I asked her to marry me…” He murmured.

“Of course it is.” I said rolling my eyes.

To say that this conversation was stressful was an understatement and given than I wasn’t the best at dealing with emotions I felt anger arising in me. I was getting mad because I loathed the state he was in, Bella was the one who should be like this, not him, _he_ was the one who had committed such heinous acts, _he_ was the one that ruined the relationship, _he_ didn’t have the right to receive compassion from us and _I_ wanted to hate him. Yet, I couldn’t. I couldn’t despise him because I knew he wasn’t a bad man and I knew he still loved Bella, and that frustrated me.

“How’s Isabella?” He said as I saw him clinging to that dress like a fucking lifeline and in that moment my frustration just exploded.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? _HOW’S ISABELLA?_ WELL HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK SHE IS?! YOU DON’T NEED TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE MOTHERFUCKING BRAIN CELL TO FIGURE OUT SHE’S DOING TERRIBLY!” He refused to look at me as he curled even more and grabbed his hair desperately with his hands.

“I… I’m sorry.” I sighed and groaned in desperation at his response, walking closer to him.

“Why are you apologizing to me?! _I’m_ not the one who got cheated on!” I knew how deeply my word hurt him as he flinched and his face was disfigured by a pained expression at the mention of him cheating. “It hurts doesn’t it? Being reminded of your actions is killing you, but you are not the only one in pain over this, Bella is too and you and I know she doesn’t deserve feeling the way she does.”

“But what can I do?” He asked hopeless.

“For fucks sake, Carlisle, _you_ don’t get to be like this, _you_ don’t get to sit her doing nothing but drowning in the pain of your own doing. Both of us know that there’s nothing you can say or do to make this right or make her feel better at the moment but she does deserve closure. It doesn’t matter what she chooses after or what you feel or what you want to say, you need to listen to what she has to say, _that’s_ the least you could do.

“Look,” I said letting out an exasperated breath. “I’m sorry I yelled…”

“Don’t, I guess it’s what I deserve.” His self-deprecation was annoying.

“Could you cut it with the self-loathing? As I was saying, I shouldn’t have yelled, and I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say that we truly wish for everything to get better, and wether that means you’ll separate or not, you both need to talk.

“Carlisle, we don’t hate you, _I_ don’t hate you. I know that there’s nothing any of us can say to make you realized that because you will always hate yourself more that anyone else, believe, I know. We hate the situation, obviously, but we would be hypocrites if we said we would‘ve been able to act differently. That’s why I can’t just ask you how could you do that to her because we know, now we just want you to get better, both of you…”

“But how can I stand in front of her? How can I look at her in the eyes after what I’ve done?! I don’t think I’ll be able of being in her presence feeling her hate for me…”

I closed the distance between us and sat at his side carefully avoiding the dress. “She doesn’t hate you… To be honest that would make things easier but she doesn’t hate you, really. She asked about you when Edward arrived... You know, she still does that thing where she unconsciously reaches for her left ring finger, though now there’s nothing there; she tries to conceal it but you know she’s always been a bad liar.” He looked at me with a small glint of hope in his eyes. “She also still uses her brooch, the one with the family crest.”

“But you don’t” He said with sad eyes.

“You noticed, huh?” I said like it wasn’t obvious. “It… It just felt weird, you know.” I exhaled a deep breath again, now being me the one who put her head on her hands. “I hate this, _you_ are the one that’s good with people, not me…”

“I’m…”

“Don’t…” I interrupted him. “Don’t say you’re sorry again, just don’t.”

We kept quiet for a while as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Dad… I just want everything to be ok again…”

**3rd Person POV**

Knowing it wouldn’t be easy to board a plane with a half gone vampire, Rosalie decided to drive back, texting Emmett to collect Edward’s Volvo from the airport parking lot because there was no way she would let Carlisle drive. She took the driver’s seat in her father’s Mercedes, patiently waiting for him as he slowly walked to the car with uncertainty in his steps. Both stayed silent all the way to Canada, Rosalie getting more and more stressed as he got more and more nervous as they reached the cottage.

 _Heading back. Carlisle is coming with me._ Rosalie texted Edward.

 _Should we tell mom?_ And as Rose was typing her answer, a second text came through. _Alice texted me, she said no._

_K. We’ll be there in about 8 hours._

_I guess Emmett and I will go hunting?_ Once more, the pixie beat her. _Forget it, Alice says to take Bella to the clearing so just direct him there._

_Ok._

She did as such when they arrived to where they had been living for the past three months, pointing in Bella’s direction before watching him sprint to her as Rose, Emmett and Edward waited once more sitting on the rocks, far enough for them not to hear.

As he got nearer, he could see Bella sitting in the grass hugging her knees, stopping and hesitating before continuing as silently as he could, knowing she would be able to feel him at any moment now.

She froze.

“Isabella…” He murmured with a broken voice.

She got up and started to run away, but he was ready, the moment she took her first step he was already by her side wrapping his arms around her, this time she didn’t shook him off, she just started sobbing, slowly breaking down again.

“Isabella, please, talk to me, yell at me, tell me you hate me if that’s what you feel, tell me you want my death if you so wish for, but please, please talk to me.”

Slowly she calmed down as they both fell to their knees. Moments passed as her cries ceased and she tried to find her voice.

“How could you… How little did I mean to you?”

“No, Isabella, don’t say that, you mean everything to me!”

“Then why did you do it? How can you say I mean everything to you when you happily walked into the arms of another woman? How can I believe you after all the times you lied to me?!”

“You don’t understand… The pull…”

“But I do understand!”

“How could you? There’s no way to explain it if you haven’t…”

“BECAUSE I’VE FELT IT TOO!” She interrupted him pushing him away.

“What?” He asked softly not wanting to believe her words.

“Ithaca, 1944. I was walking home one summer evening after helping the nurses in the hospital you and Edward where still working at. I passed a military vehicle from which soldiers were getting off. I saw him then, funny enough he looked like you, just a little older. He seemed tired as he was coming home from the war, I looked into his eyes and I felt it, everything else stopped existing and all I wanted to do was to take him away, to make him like me… I saw him walking, reaching for me and just ran away.”

“But…”

“You can brake the bond, you know, all you have to do is refuse its calling.”

“How?”

“I just asked my heart to stay with you…” She said softly and with a half smile, looking straight into his eyes before continuing.

“Marcus told me so the last time we were in Volterra after the war, I asked him because I wanted to know, because I was scared of me, of hurting you…” And as she spoke her words, Carlisle realized how weak he had been, how much more she was and how little he ever deserved her. “I know how it works, Carlisle! I know you could’ve said no!” She continued frantically. “Marcus told me that the bond links you to a person that’s perfect for you, that will have anything you’ll ever need… But I didn’t need perfect, I just needed you, I wanted _you_ … Because I already had everything I could ever wish for with you. And I thought you would be the same if the day came for you to choose… And you did choose, but you didn’t pick me… Tell me, what did you need? What did she have that I didn’t? Why wasn’t I enough?!

Carlisle stood unmoving as the severity of her words sunk in. She had been so sure of his love, of him, that it didn’t take her more than a moment to stop the bond, she had been strong where he had faltered. She had remember him when he had forgotten her.

And yet, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Lamenting herself as if she had had any fault in the matter.

“Isabella…” But what could he say?

“Please tell me, Carlisle. I need to know. Tell me what I could’ve done different? What were you missing? What didn’t I gave you? What else did you wanted? Why was she perfect? Why wasn’t I all you needed?”

“You are everything I could’ve ever wished for… It was I who wasn’t enough for you…” was the only thing he could manage as he undeservingly buried his face on her hair, once more embracing the woman in front of him. “I was the one at fault… I wasn’t strong enough…

“Isabella, I have no right to ask for you forgiveness. There’s no way to express the guilt and pain I’ve been in since the last time I saw you and yet, I also know that no matter how much time passes or how many days I go with this pain in me, it will never be enough to compensate you for what I’ve done but, I’d die a thousand deaths for you to be whole again, I’d accept eternity in the deepest parts of Hell if that meant you could forget about me, I’d give you your heart back if that meant your happiness. But I can’t.

"The day you gave yourself to me I thought I had done good enough in my life to be offered salvation but now I see you were part of my curse because to see you in pain because of me is the worst punishment I could ever think of. But you, oh my sweet angel! Now I’ve lost my faith, for how can I believe in a god that would be ok hurting a being so perfect as you! It was my selfishness that made you what you are, it was my fault, not yours! Your only mistake was to fall in love with a monster.” He said softly cupping her cheek, lightly pressing his hand to her face, afraid of breaking her even further. “Isabella, everyday I hate myself more and more and as much as I know you deserve so much more, so much better… I can’t help but keep loving you…

“Please, please tell me you hate me, tell me you are disgusted by me, tell me I don’t deserve you, that you’ll never be able to forgive me… Let me hear you say all the things I know are true… Because how can I stand here before you, how do I dare to claim I love you after I couldn’t refuse the bond the moment I first felt it the way you did.”

“Carlisle…” She said pressing her forehead to his, closing her eyes as to prevent the nonexistent tears from falling. “I… I don’t hate you, I _can’t_ hate you because I love you too much. In the past months I’ve sometimes wished I could take my heart back, but when I gave it away I lost all ownership of it, no matter how hard I call for it, it won’t answer to my voice because it’s not mine anymore, it’s been yours for over a century and no matter what you do to it, it will always only respond to you as you are its only ruler.”

“Don’t say that, my love. You deserve so much more… You deserve someone who will love you as much as you’ll love him.”

“Maybe… But I already refused him…” She said with a sad smile. “Besides… Maybe I still don’t want more, maybe I still don’t want perfect…”

“Isabella…” She wanted to stop him, placing a finger over his lips but he continued. “Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine you would be pronouncing those words to me... I love you, as unworthy of you as I am, as much punishment I deserve for what I’ve done, I still love you, my angel.

“I’m here today on my knees as I pray before you, my new religion, to be forgiven for I know how big is your heart, how much acceptance you carry in you for others. Isabella I’ll do any penitence you impose over me because as unbelievable and wrong it seems for me to say this now, I’ll love for the rest of my existence and I’ll devote myself complete to you.” She stood up not wanting to see him like this but he stopped her grabbing her hands, forcing her to look at him in his pleading state, begging for forgiveness, for the salvation she represented to him, because now he knew she was the only heaven that existed, that matter to him.

In that moment she finally saw him, she saw the miserable man in front of her that had slowly been descending into madness as he frantically grabbed her hands, as his eyes screamed at her to forgive him. And it killed her, she loved him too much and she hated to see him like this, and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words he wanted to hear, she didn’t deny her feeling for him but she also could let him in again, she was way too scared of being hurt once more. But the more and more she took in his expression, his deplorable state, her determination faltered and her broken heart wanted him back, though she knew neither she nor him where in a healthy state of mind, which would cause an even greater fall if she was to trust his words.

“I can’t accept you Carlisle, it hurts too much…” She answered before what little strength she had left died in her throat. “But I also can’t lie.” She said thinking back to all the times he had made her laugh, all the times he had kissed her, everything he had given to her, all the times he had made love to her. “Because deep inside of me, deeper than where all the cuts I have now were able to reach, I know I will never be able to receive anything else because with all of your flaws, you’ll always be enough.”


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested songs:  
> -Happiness is a Butterfly by Lana del Rey  
> -Come What May from the Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

“And I watched the skies getting light as I write

As I think about those years

As I whisper in your ear

I’m always going to be right here

No one’s going anywhere”

How to Disappear—Lana del Rey

70 years later

**3rd Person POV**

Both cars pulled into the house they all knew too well as the Cullens returned once more to Forks. As Bella got off from Rosalie’s new car, she felt Alice hugging her as the little brunette snaked her arms around her, smiling as she finally had been able for the past two decades after years of faking it; it was even accompanied by a small chuckle, making Rosalie’s heart warm as the sight of her mother being a little like her old self after being broken for so long.

After Alice’s, came Jasper’s hug, happy like the rest of his sibling to have his mom back. Of course the couple had seen Bella in the years before but they hadn’t been a family for over half a century as they had decided to live in their own for the time being while Bella had spent most of her time with Rosalie and Emmett and Edward had stayed with Carlisle.

Speaking of Edward, he then came to her side with a wary expression, to which she just smiled reassuringly. She couldn’t deny that would be weird for both her and Carlisle to be living in the same house after so many decades apart and once more her right hand reached for the still vacant space in her left ring finger. He was nervous and she was afraid, but she had accepted him in her life once more as her feeling for him never changed.

They had seed each other before in the years between that day in the clearing and today, after all they had five kids together. But it hadn’t have more that cordial conversations until ten years ago when Carlisle had visited Bella—who was living on her own at the time—in the same house they had resided in Oxford over two hundred years ago.

He had asked her if she would consider giving him another chance and she hadn’t refused, though the memories still pained her and they both would carry their burdens for the rest of eternity, they couldn’t get over each other, they still longed for the forever they had once wished for, as they remembered all they had shared since the night Bella came knocking on Carlisle’s door on a rainy night in London, they still craved one another.

As their kids carried their stuff inside, Bella and Carlisle looked at each other, neither knowing what they could say so in the end they just walked inside in silence. Bella walked to the master bedroom, this time being hers only as Carlisle would settle in a guest room; they knew it was necessary to have this arrangement and yet, they couldn’t deny how unnatural it felt to live in the same house without sharing a bed.

As Carlisle watched through the window of his room, with a mixture of pain and hope in his heart, he heard Rosalie’s steps approaching before knocking on the door out of politeness more that necessity.

“Come in.”

“I’m just came to give this to you.” She explained with Carlisle’s father’s cross in her arms as she and her siblings were taking everything out of the cars and into the house. “I thought about putting it in your office but the boys are leaving everything in a mess in there.”

“Thank you.” He said taking the piece out of her hands, as she nodded before turning to the door.

“Rose.” He called her back. “Thank you.” He said once again not referring to the cross.

“Sure, I’m just helping with the moving.” She said still uncomfortable as ever with vulnerability.

Carlisle walked to her and hugged his daughter, freezing her for a moment on the spot before she returned the gesture. “Thank you.” He said for the third time. “For talking care of Isabella, for yelling at me, for all you’ve always done for the family.”

Rosalie just nodded as her arms tightened around her father. “I’m happy for you, for both of you.”

“I appreciate it, truly I do.” He said before laying a kiss on her forehead and letting go of her.

She turned away again to walk to the door before stopping once more. “Dad,” she called him. “I missed you.” And as she continued walking she grabbed the necklace that once more happily found its home resting on the blond girl’s chest.

After all the Cullens finished settling in, Alice proposed her siblings to go into town to check how—or if—the town had changed, winking to Carlisle as that mean he and Bella could finally have some privacy to speak the things they needed to discuss.

“Would you like to take a walk, Ms. Swan?” As they saw from the prompt porch their kids drive away in Edward’s more inconspicuous car. She nodded in agreement knowing what was about to happen.

“Lead the way.” She said.

They walked all the way up to a small river hidden between fallen trees, both sitting on one of the trunks that now laid horizontally, both Bella and Carlisle had taken her their shoes off, feeling the water run in the skin of their feet, enjoying in silence the rays of dull sunlight that fell between the branches that covered them.

“I’ve missed you.” He started breaking the comfortable silence they were in.

“I’ve missed you too, Carlisle.” She said with a sigh at the same time that her words eased the nervousness in him as the hope in his heart grew a little more. “I... I really would like it if we could have something once more...”

“I would like that too.” He said back, his eagerness stealing a small smile from her lips and a anxious laugh from him.

“You know I still can’t give myself to you right now, I still need some time and as much as I will always love you, we both know that my heart will never be whole again, forever bearing scars of it’s breaking.”

“I understand, I’ll give you all the time you need. You being here, willing to give me a second chance is more than I deserve... I... I’ll understand too if you realize that you can’t be with me again and you decide to leave in the future...”

“I would also like you to make an effort and stop hating yourself, I think we both have enough knowing we don’t have the human advantage of being able to forget, but I don’t want to hear you lamenting yourself everyday, I hate to see you being miserable.”

“But...”

“What did I just say?” She looked at him with the warm smile he had missed so much in the las 7 decades. Her gesture silenced him as he took in her beauty, finally he just nodded. “You also need to stop treating me like I’m going to fall apart at your very touch. I think I’m stronger than you or I thought I was...”

“I’m sorry. From now on I’ll do anything to try to be worthy of you, Ms. Swan.” They sat in the tranquility offered by the forest before Bella spoke again.

“You know, I never stopped using your last name...” He looked at her surprised getting a soft giggle out of her. “I told you I never ceased to love you.” She explained knowing the question in his mind.

“Would it be impertinent of me to give this to you at this moment.” He said after another long pause, holding Bella’s wedding ring in his hand.

She laughed genuinely. “Maybe. Truthfully I think it’s too soon to have it back where it belongs, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t missed it too. So I’ll accept it.” She said taking it from him, unclasping a delicate gold chain from around her neck before slipping the ring into it and putting it back.

“You truly give me more than I deserve, Mrs. Cullen.”

“Isabella.” She corrected him.

“Isabella.” He repeated in agreement with love in the way the syllables slipped out of his lips.

“Should we head back? I think we’ll need to prepare in case the Quileutes request a meeting to reestablish the pact.”

“Will you stand by my side if that turns to be the case?”

“Of course.” She said with a reassuring smile.

As they walked back, Bella could feel Carlisle’s hand unnaturally stiff at his side, like he wanted to reach for hers. She was being honest when she explained she couldn’t jump into this with both feet right now, for she was still hurting, she was still afraid; but she still wanted him, so she let her arm brush his taking him by surprise, inviting him to hold her. In the end he was content on grabbing her pinky finger with his own, as it still felt too soon to have the privilege of holding all of her hand.

Getting close to reaching the house, Bella felt him as well as herself relax in each other’s touch. She felt relief, finally able to satisfy her need for him as little as the touch was; yet they both knew they still had a long way to go before they could go back to the passionate touches and innocent kisses they had shared so many years ago.

As the wind blew in their direction Bella gave a small grunt as her hair was blown all over the place, trying to placate with her free hand the strands of hair that refuse to leave her face, causing a Carlisle to laugh carelessly as he hadn’t done in decades while he admire the raw beauty of the woman by his side. Without thinking about his actions, he grazed her cheek as he delicately brushed a piece of hair behind her ear, his hand freezing the moment he realized what he had done.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think...”

“It’s fine, Carlisle, don’t worry too much about it, remember what I told you moments ago?”

“To stop treating you like you are about to brake...” She smiled causing him to relax again, once more settling in the comfort provided by the little touch between them.

And so, as their pinkies rested together while they enjoyed their walk back home in the reassuring peace of the darkening woods, for the first time in 70 years, in the year that would’ve marked the 250 anniversary of their wedding, for a small moment, as fleeting as it had been, they both felt love and hope overpowering the pain inside of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it guys.  
> I hope you enjoyed this and I just wanted to thank everyone that read and commented on this piece.
> 
> -Pipper.


End file.
